Yakuzaverse/A Certain Moneylender

This has to be a fucking joke, I thought, wondering if I was already getting scammed again. I opened the little narrow office door, with the sign that read "Sky Finance Sotenbori," to see something that very much didn't resemble an office. Boxes littered whatever open floor space there was, and the only seating was a pair of task chairs, one of which presently seated a slightly scruffy-looking man in a suit whose colors didn't match, his greasy, mop-covered head cocked over to one side as he snored. His gaping maw was surrounded by what I wouldn't so much call a five o'clock shadow, as I would a 7 o'clock shroud, and I could smell years of tar every time he exhaled in my direction.

I carefully seated myself in the other chair and stared at him while he napped. I had no idea how this place was said to be such a legend in Tokyo. The guy didn't seem like he'd have much interest in even running it, let alone opening a branch. Was Eriko wrong about the rumors, then?

I was already sick of hearing the guy snore, and decided I wasn't going to just wait for him to wake up. "Hey, shithead!" I yelled at him in English.

The greaseball woke with a jolt. A pack of cigarettes flew out of the pocket of his magenta jacket and landed on a nearby floor. "Gah!" As soon as he stopped being distracted by where his smokes went, he looked back at me, and must have noticed how angry I looked. "Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't hear you come in…it was a late night last night and…"

"It's whatever," I told him in Japanese, not letting go of the resting bitch-face. "You're Akiyama, right? We talked on the phone earlier. My name's Fujiyama."

"Fujiyama?" I sensed him trying to reconcile the name to the face. "Oh! Right! Geez, I wasn't expecting someone who looked like you…"

"The name, isn't it?" I'd heard all of that before more times than I cared for, and I hoped my face didn't look too much grumpier than usual about it.

"If I'm honest? The name and the way you talk. Been a while since I've seen an American speaking in anything but textbook Japanese…"

"You'll find I'm full of surprises."

"Really, though, your Kansai's better than some folks I've heard. I expected you to be another local."

"I'm gonna just explain what I'm here for, now," I cut in, annoyedly. "I'll need 50 million yen, hopefully in a week… and I'm sorry to have to put it this way, but it's to deal with some nasty business."

"I see…" He stroked his chin as he scowled at the ground. "How nasty?"

"I'm talking about, 'husband is trying to leave the yakuza and it's not going well' kind of nasty."

"It's possible you're going to need more than money to sort that out, Mrs. Fujiyama. I know how the local clans operate. Money's one thing, that's easy."

"I'm guessing the other is ass-kicking." I already knew what I was getting into.

"Well, good, I don't have to explain that part. But there's one other thing."

"Yes, Detective Columbo?"

"Prospective clients of Sky Finance are asked to pass a test before I'll loan money. Especially if it's that much, that fast."

"So I've heard." Maybe Eriko wasn't wrong about those rumors.

"What I'm going to look for, here, is proof of resolve. That thing you said earlier about the ass-kicking… I don't usually go this route, especially not with women. But if you'd like your loan… you'll have to fight for it."

"I can do that, that's easy." He didn't look like he'd be that tough, what with the obvious smoking problem.

"But not with me. Give me a moment, I'll need to make a phone call. Assuming, of course, you consent to the terms."

"Course I fuckin' do." I cracked my knuckles for emphasis.

He pulled out a flip phone, probably about as outdated as mine was, and speed-dialed somebody. "Miss Tatsu? Akiyama from Sky Finance. You still working? …You in Sotenbori right now, by any chance? …Ah, great. Uh, had a favor I wanted to ask. …No, it's not a collection, but it is a client. …You know me too well. …Listen, how do you feel about fighting other women? …Yeah, I'm sorry, I just don't like to--" I could hear him being lambasted viciously over the phone speaker as he pulled it away from his ear. "…Alright, I'll take my lumps. Meet you in the usual spot in an hour, with the client." He hung up in the middle of what sounded like another intense grilling.

"Who was that?"

"My champion. So, you're free for about an hour, but come meet me in Ashitaba Park at, oh, 9-ish. But come ready to fight."

"You fuckin' know it," I said in English. I'd heard some things about the all-women's wrestling leagues around here, and I just hoped whoever Miss Tatsu was, that she'd at least be worth the trouble.

---

I made a feeble attempt to turn my world right-side-up again. The dirt under me might as well have swallowed me up, along with my skinned knuckles and status-unknown shoulder joints. Everything hurt.

"I'm declaring that a knock-out," butted in the moneylender. "Tatsu? Hey! Tatsu!"

The one-woman stampede that was headed towards me skidded to a halt, kicking up another fresh cloud of dust. "What, damn it?"

"Fight's over!"

"I'm not done 'til she pays you back, Akiyama!"

"You're done!" he insisted. "She never owed me money in the first place!"

I barely convinced my neck to turn in their direction, just as Miss Tatsu grabbed the money man by his collar. "Are you kidding me?! I thought--ugh, so THIS was that client you were talking about, wasn't it?"

"Yes! Now let me go help her up!" He slipped from her Herculean grasp and came to stand over me in my moment of defeat. His face was just barely within my field of vision, blurring as it did, as my head swam from being tossed around like a stuffed toy. "Look, I'll be honest. I was not expecting her to still be that damned strong. She hasn't been active in Tokyo for almost 20 years."

I accepted one of his hands and pulled myself up to sit. "She hits like a dump truck."

For some reason, I felt him shudder. "Yeah."

"But I'm guessing I didn't pass your test."

"No, you passed. You didn't _win_, but I was watching you fight. The fact you didn't just crumple as soon as she hit you, that's worth a ton in this world."

"Yeah…"

"You probably don't need to hear it from me, but there's all kinds of yakuza out there that'll hit even harder than she does," he chuckled. "Sort of also a warning of what happens if you don't pay back your loan, but I'm gonna be honest with you, I don't usually call her for that."