The Performer's Path

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Assembled new script

Stinger

"And all of those point to point connections, computer to computer, form what we call, what? Mr. Haacke?"

"A network," Timothy answered, beaming.

"Good. Now, we do have a few computers in this class this year, and they are all connected to a network. One we share with the Pacific Southeast Community College, at that. So bear in mind that you will not have access - there's that vocab word again, Mr. Pulaski - to all of the options on the menu. Your assignment today will be to go into the Course Catalog and note down THREE electives that you're interested in. I can help you search for them if you need, but I am only one person." Mr. Valero chuckled to himself. "Since there are only 8 computers in the class room, we'll be taking turns; once you have finished your assignment, go back Home - I'll show you how if you're confused - and make way for the next student. The first eight students to use the computers will be... Haacke, Pulaski, Rearden, MacNally, Long, Willits, Romero, and... Maxwell."

Lilly Maxwell, who had been distracted the whole class, did not get up.

"Miss Maxwell? It's your turn on the computer."

"Oh." She struggled to find an open seat as the entire class got up to watch the others. The last open machine greeted her with a glow of dull amber. "Welcome to PSECC InterChange," it declared. It was an overwhelming mess of information for her to process today. Why did they need to do this now? She wouldn't be looking for a college education for another two years, assuming her grades were even up to snuff. But that wasn't even foremost on her mind, this week. What was she supposed to do about Mom?

Mr. Valero's voice somehow overcame the din of his rowdy class. "Mister Haacke, very good, make way for the next student, please. That'd be... Sweeney. ... Miss Maxwell? Go ahead and press the number 9, for Course Catalog."

Sensing that the teacher would not leave her alone until she did something, Lilly haphazardly stabbed at the 9 key. Her finger clipped another key on the way down, but Valero was satisfied enough to move on. "Welcome to the Chatbox," the screen read. This wasn't the course catalog, but she didn't care as long as she seemed busy. Reading almost anything would keep her mind off what happened to Mom.

"What To Do If Campus Police Detain You (SATIRE)," read the first message. "When approached by a campus officer, the first thing you must do is stand perfectly still. If the color of your skin can be described as anything other than 'Pale Beige', consider lying down on the ground, face down, ahead of time as you will undoubtedly be told to do so eventually. Take care that the volume of your voice never exceeds that of 20 decibels. Campus Outreach has a few devices to measure said volume that you may borrow for a small fee." Lilly, amazed that anybody could be so pessimistic as to write something like it, jabbed the N key to skip to the next message.

"Private Detective Offers Services," the second message said. "Need something found? Delicate affairs in need of a careful touch? Contact (xxx)xxx-xxxx - Chatbox Shamus will consult. Confidentiality: no problem. No fees up front. Rates negotiable." Below it were replies complaining of solicitation, and a Board Operator warning not to advertise. But that phone number... if there was a such thing as a delicate affair, that's what Mom was in. Lilly scribbled down the phone number on her paper.

Bass meets Rick

Even though I'd been told "15 minutes", the old yellow cab was already waiting for me outside of the newspaper office. I'd been expecting something fairly modern, but this one had the look of the 50s, sharp fins and torpedo headlights. The rear door popped open on its own. "Don't tell me you're my client," the driver called out.

"Fraid so," I called back.

"I was expecting someone else, I guess, but I guess it was too much to hope for. Hop in." The voice was that of a Brooklyn man; it was that thick Fonzie-like accent that made it hard to tell if he was part-Italian. I did what he said; the car was a bit on the short side, so I had to engage in some creative gymnastics in order to get in the door without hurting myself. "Where to, boss?" he said without looking at me.

"You were expecting someone else, you said?" I could have just told him I needed to go to the mall, but I couldn't contain my curiosity to save my ass.

"When you hear someone's requested you by name, it tends to be someone you know. And with respect, boss, I ain't got a damn clue who you are. Now, where you off to, so I can quit idling this thing?"

"Uh, Pacific Court Mall," I blurted. I searched for a way to ask a burning question or two without tipping my hand. "I'm sorry to pry..."

"Don't worry about it, boss. Just I used to have a regular client that I heard worked at the paper nowadays. Ain't talked to her in a few years, though. Kind of a shame. Thought we were gettin' along real swell like, too." Maybe I didn't need to be diplomatic at all, if he was just spilling information like an over-full cup of coffee. Ruby did tell me not to talk about her, though... I just needed to find a way to graze the subject.

"I knew someone like that, too. Good friends for a while, then I heard she moved away. Hadn't seen her again until recently. Closest thing I had to a best friend."

"I take it you're not the social butterfly type."

"How did..."

"I just have this way of knowing things about people I've only known for a few minutes. Boss tells me it's why I'm so good at cab drivin'."

"What would that have to do with driving a cab?"

"Lotta people don't think drivin' a cab is anything more than just askin' where to go and then goin' there. It's not just drivin'. It's a part of the service industry. You ain't just there to get the client where they're goin', you're there to attend to all their needs that you can provide with the car. If they just wanna drive around and talk for a while, you drive around and you talk. They need ya to chauffeur their date, you go do that."

"I thought that kind of stuff was for limo drivers."

"Well, don't kid yourself into thinking cabs are low class. The main difference is the size and the fact that I ain't legally allowed to carry champagne in this thing. And lemme tell ya, that woulda really helped a couple times a few years ago, if ya know what I mean."

"I guess." I couldn't think of an awful lot of situations that'd be made easier by getting one's passenger drunk. Only the really sleazy ones, I figured.

"Nah, I guess I've been talkin' a lot about myself and I haven't even told ya my name. Rick Belmont." He wasn't turning to look, but he stuck his hand over the seat as if looking for a handshake. I grasped it as firmly as I could manage and gave it a professional shake.

"Bastion Crowley."

"What do you do, Bastion?"

"Uh...I'm not sure what you mean."

"Your job. Usually when someone's riding a cab during the day, they've got money to pay the fare, but not to own a car. Usually for work purposes and not just 'cuz they're too drunk to drive."

"Well, if you must know, I'm in private investigation."

"Really? Didn't peg you for the type. Always imagined that was more of a James Garner kinda job."

"I find I'm getting that a lot lately." Was Jim Rockford the only P.I. anybody knew anymore?

"But nah, maybe that'll work to your advantage. Nobody expects a guy that looks like you to be the guy that's prying about their deep dark shit, eh?"

"And...what's that supposed to mean?"

"Forget about it," he said, turning on to the Mishkin bypass. "Y'know, come to think of it, you're startin' to remind me of something my old client used to talk about."

"I wonder if it's who I think it is."

"Few years back, I had this client. College student, with the budget to match. Flat broke half the time, but that didn't matter to me when she was that damn cute. Got the frequent rider discount more often than not, if ya get my drift." That...didn't sound like the Ruby I knew. "Said she was going for a law degree. Think she even got to the bar exam, too, but I never heard if she passed or not."

"Where was this going?"

"I'm gettin' there, keep your shirt on." He jerked the car towards the right lane to hit an exit. "Nah, every so often she wasn't interested in the discount, she just wanted to talk. Said she had this friend in high school that she hadn't seen in a while. Somethin' about, if she hadn't moved away, he'd be in college with her about now."

The dinner scene

"I'll admit, I'm not sure how you didn't know who I was, just by the name," Myrna said.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, you saw how those two boys' ears perked up when they heard my name, I'm sure. And you said yourself in court, at least one of them had one of my photos in his wallet."

"Which is the only reason I ever learned what you did before... uh... before Lilly."

She looked to make sure her daughter wasn't coming back from the restroom yet, then leaned in to whisper. "Isn't it every man's fantasy to meet a starlet? A centerfold? The sexiest woman of the year?" I could tell this was a question of considerable pride to her.

"That's about where you lost me, to be honest. Never really was into that sorta stuff."

"You don't have to be ashamed of it, you ol' hunka burnin' love." The feel of her leathery finger on my chin made me almost shudder. "If there's one thing the industry taught me, it's that everybody has their fetish. Maybe you just haven't found yours yet."

"Some people don't have one." I gently removed her hand from my face. "Found Dad's secret stash just a few days before I turned eighteen. Dozens of magazines. Flipped through them for a few minutes and realized they just did nothing for me."

"I guess it takes all kinds, in your line of work." Myrna leaned back with obvious disappointment in her over-powdered face. "Probably makes for a lot fewer conflicts of interest."

"Well, don't take it as a slight, Mrs. Maxwell. It's not anything you're doing wrong. It's more like treating your lactose-intolerant friend to fondue. It's good, sure, but their body's not going to like it very much."

"I don't think that's the best comparison, if I might be frank." She glanced once again towards the restroom. "Also, it's not Mrs., I should tell you."

"Divorced?"

"Never married in the first place."

"Who's the father?"

"I never got to figure that out. Drawback of the job, I could say. You take enough cream pies in this business, and it's impossible to figure out which ingredients went into which batch, if you know what I mean." The mental image was not very pleasant. I tried to put it out of my head with another sip of the martini in front of me. It didn't have the effect I wanted. If anything, I just felt more sick.

"So you've raised her on your own," I said in a desperate bid to change the subject.

"I had a bit of help from old industry friends, and it helps that I have money. But in the end, there's no substitute for a good mom."

"Must be good at it, for your daughter to be that concerned for you." My own mother would have to be gone for a month or more before I would have hired me to find her.

"Well... with the number of kids in her class that know who I am and what I did, it's not going to be getting any easier. It's why I moved to that gated community."

"I felt out of my depth before I even walked up to the gate."

"Of course, I found out that no gate will stop a man if they're determined enough."

"Not even if the guy in the booth has a cattle prod?"

"George means well enough."

Scratch Notes

As a clever foreshadowing of Case 5: For the Good of the Clan, Bastion should visit Irma's diner before heading to Pacific Court Mall, and she should mention something about how "all the money you spend there goes right into the hands of the Japanese Mafia."

Legacy Script

# ########################
# ## CASE 2 BEGINS HERE ##
# ########################

label Case2Start:
    scene bg Tandy
    with dissolve
    play sound "sound/typing.mp3"
    pc "October 1st, 1984. The life of a detective-in-the-making comes with many stumbles and trips. {w}The brick walls that force you to decide: do I turn around and leave, or do I do whatever is in my power to climb it?{w} Those who know me would probably assume I'd just walk away.{w} They couldn't be farther from the truth."
    
    scene bg ClassroomInterior1
    with dissolve
    # Scene: testing room. Maybe get photos of an empty classroom at PCC.
    "Hypothetical Example #4: You are investigating a large-scale bank job."
    "During your investigation, you come to find that the small group of robbers that you are pursuing is actually only a small branch of a larger heist ring."
    "You have decisive evidence that this ring is responsible for the planning and execution of the bank job, but you cannot pin down names of anybody involved."
    menu:
        "Which course of action is the most ideal?"
        "{b}A){/b} Infiltrate their headquarters and steal your evidence from their head office.":
            "Oh man. That'd kick ass, wouldn't it?"
            "Problem is, though, it'd be insanely risky, and since in this scenario, I haven't contacted the police yet, if I were to die in the process, I'd have no backup."
            "Recipe for suicide by armed thug, if you ask me."
            "Another quick glance at the other two answers, and I decide I'd really rather pick C."
            jump Case2IntroChoiceAfter
        "{b}B){/b} Find a suspect, capture and interrogate them for answers.":
            "Let's think hypothetically here."
            "Although I know of the heist group, I don't have names, remember? It'd be hard to find someone from just a blurry face."
            "Let's be realistic; I think C is probably the best choice. Private eyes can't do everything, ya know."
            jump Case2IntroChoiceAfter
        "{b}C){/b} Take your evidence to the police, immediately.":
            "It's starting to feel as if that last one is the correct answer to just about all of these examples."
            "I nearly thought that private investigation was just like police work, just with fewer rules."
            "As it turns out, police authority exerts itself over the private sector, as well."
            "It seems to defeat the purpose of hiring a P.I. for discreet cases if the police end up being involved in them anyway."
            "Then again...I'm not exactly Mr. Police Expert."
            "I've never met the Commissioner, for one."
            jump Case2IntroChoiceAfter

label Case2IntroChoiceAfter:
    "I offhandedly glance at the clock in the corner of the room. 3 PM flat."
    "That late already? I really need to finish this license test up."
    "I impatiently decide to just fill in the entire third column of bubbles on the test card, making sure that they aren't True/False questions first."
    "The answer sheet and test book go back to the desk at the front of the room."
    "Mom always told me that I was really good at taking tests."
    "She might have been trying to tell me something."
    "The proctor takes my answer sheet and gives it a quick look. When he sees that I've answered all C's on the last 20 questions, he nods and looks at me."
    "Proctor" "You'll be receiving your results by tomorrow afternoon, Mr. Crowley. Good luck."
    "Sounds a bit more sincere than he was the last time I saw him...which was when I was taking the written test to get my driver's license."
    "That's why I don't drive, in case you were wondering."
    
    scene bg CourthouseExterior
    with dissolve
    "Since my first case ended up with me being fined all the money that I would have earned, I took Ruby's advice and pursued investigation as a career."
    "Really, that case was the most alive I've felt in a while."
    "It sure did beat the hell out of watching TV and playing silly little math games on my Tandy."
    "With any luck, I've got that test in the bag, and I can get my P.I.'s license in short order and start taking cases again."
    "That's case{b}s{/b}. As in, plural."
    "Until I get that license in the mail, though, I've got time to kill, and I'm sure not going to spend it watching TV."
    
    scene bg Black
    with dissolve
    "...."
    
    scene bg BedroomInteriorFull at right
    with dissolve
    "The next morning sees me up bright and early."
    "I've at least got another odd job to keep me occupied until the test results come in. Thanks to Ruby, anyway."
    "She's got me set up on a job-shadow gig. Feels more like I'm on some kind of sting operation, just without the presence of drugs."
    "It's a Tuesday, so Ruby is going to want me to be at work with her."
    
    scene bg ApartmentExterior
    with dissolve
    "I find myself waiting outside the apartment building. Yeah, that cube van is still there."
    "Arthur isn't home, though, so there's still some space by the sidewalk for Ruby to park."
    "She's got a window down. Brave thing she's doing, given the unseasonably cold weather today."
    r "Well hey there, nice to see you actually up at a decent hour."
    b "Are there any booby traps in here I should know about?"
    "I point at the car door for emphasis."
    r "Oh, just shut up and open the door."
    b "You remember yesterday, right? I opened this door and an entire Pepsi factory spilled out the side."
    r "Look, I'll clean the damn car out this weekend. Or maybe you can. What the hell."
    "I cautiously pull the passenger side door open. Surprisingly, I'm not greeted with a torrent of empty aluminum root beer cans."
    "Actually, that'd be because I already emptied them all out yesterday."
    
    scene bg VistaCruiserInterior
    with dissolve
    "As I step in, though, I notice the floorboard is stuffed to the brim with paper coffee cups, once again leaving me with little place to put my feet."
    "Where the hell does she go, that she builds up this many coffee cups and soda cans?"
    "Ruby turns the ignition key, causing the Vista Cruiser to emit the sort of whine you'd only hear from overstressed race horses."
    "She pulls out of the parking spot, but not before we catch the front end of what is bound to be a long rant from a passerby."
    "Random Dude" "Ever heard of a muffler?"
    r "Ever heard of a pacifier? I bet you love 'em!"
    with vpunch
    "We're on our way before a reply can be issued."
    b "Not the wisest move, for this part of town."
    r "He was fuckin' asking for it."
    b "Stuff gets smashed up around here a lot."
    r "So why's that cube van not had its windows bashed out yet?"
    "You know, I still haven't figured out a reasonable answer to that."
    "It's been weeks since my last case, and the delivery van hasn't budged an inch."
    "Starting to wonder if I should do something about it."
    r "Besides, it's not the muffler that's the problem, it's the fan belt."
    b "So why haven't you got it fixed?"
    r "Do I look like I'm made of money?"
    b "I wouldn't think fan belts are that expensive."
    r "That and I kinda like it when people yell at me about my car. Go ahead, try me!"
    "The sinister grin on her face tells me that I probably shouldn't."
    r "So, Bass...game day today."
    b "What, do you mean the Pandas are having their playoffs today?"
    with hpunch
    "She shifts the Cruiser into third gear, and in the process, elbows me in the side. I'm pretty sure she does that on purpose."
    "Just a hunch, you know. Probably has something to do with the sarcastic way she says \"Oops\" every other time."
    r "No, I mean this is the day you should get your poker face on and be {i}extra{/i} alert."
    "What Ruby calls a job shadow, I call stakeout. What she wants me to do isn't like the stuff we used to do in Career Ed class."
    "My assignment for the duration of this exercise - however long that'll be - is to keep near Ruby and observe and document all unpleasant activity between her and her overbearing co-worker, Albert."
    "Tensions will be tight...she and Albert will both be pulling double shifts today."
    "I haven't actually seen Albert yet. He mostly keeps himself confined in his little office towards the back."
    "Ruby never told me a lot about him, but I can't help but imagine him being a forty-something in a Hawaiian shirt and a shitty comb-over."
    
    scene bg NewsOfficeExterior
    with dissolve
    "Ruby stops in front of a really old-looking office building. It probably hasn't been painted since the Cuban Missile Crisis. The color that remains is that of the bricks. The logo on the door reads, \"Daily News.\""
    "She yanks the keys out of the ignition - which can't be good for the keys, or the ignition for that matter - and turns in her seat, giving me a serious-looking glance as she readies her hand on her door handle."
    "The way she's grabbing that handle makes it look like she's going to detonate a bundle of dynamite when she pulls it."
    r "This is it. You ready?"
    b "Yeah. You?"
    r "Bastard's gonna pay."
    b "Hey, whoa. Don't go jumping the gun."
    r "Yeah, fine. Just sit back and watch. Don't say a word. Remember, Bass, you're not here to interfere. You're here to observe and record."
    "She's not joking around here. Not even a hint of a smile across her face. She's steeling herself for what's to come."
    "I suddenly recall what Ruby was doing when I caught up with her again some time ago. She was on a pay phone, swearing into it at the poor sap on the other end."
    "That \"poor sap\" ended up being Albert - and he was neither poor, nor a sap. He had to have done something pretty nasty to earn Ruby's tongue-lashing, and I'm nearly about to find out what it might have been."
    
    scene bg NewsOffice
    with dissolve
    "The office is...well, it's pretty much what I expected a newspaper office to look like."
    "A handful of people marching everywhere, papers stacked in piles at least 700 pages tall. Phones ringing every couple of seconds. I hear one of those fancy dot-matrix printers a couple of rooms over."
    "Ruby sticks her time card in the slot. The electric card puncher makes a chunk noise that somehow drowns out the din of the office for a fraction of a second."
    "It also manages to get everybody's attention. All eyes are on the two of us."
    r "Come on. It's better to keep moving. These weirdoes stare at everything."
    "Some guy in a Hawaiian shirt steps in front of Ruby, seemingly deliberately crashing right into her."
    "Judging from Ruby's reaction, I'd say this is Albert. God damn, I hate it when I'm right."
    al "Tony, where were you with that cup of coffee fifteen minutes ago?"
    "Tony? Who the...Oh. Some deluded shorthand for Antonia. I occasionally forget that not everyone knows her by her nickname."
    r "I'm surprised you're still trying to talk to me."
    al "You know work starts at seven, right? The chief doesn't like it when his people are tardy."
    r "Get over yourself and get back to your desk. You and I both have a lot to do."
    al "That's no way to talk to a superior."
    "That biting tone of his just makes me want to belt him one right in the face, but I fight the urge and stay in the shadows...in a manner of speaking."
    "Ruby said herself that Albert isn't her boss. Hell, they're not even in the same department. Ruby works the police blotter. Albert does the obituaries."
    "Their desks just happen to be right next to each other, much to Ruby's frustration (and Albert's twisted delight, I'm sure)."
    al "Anyway, you've got some catching up to do, starting with the coffee. Black, if you would, please. And in a {i}clean{/i} cup. I'll be in my office when you need me."
    "I notice he said \"when,\" not \"if.\" You wish, pal."
    "He turns and retreats back into his broom cupboard of an office. The door doesn't even have a nameplate on it."
    "Only now am I aware that he never once looked at me or otherwise acknowledged my presence."
    
    scene bg NewsOfficeRubysDesk
    with dissolve
    "I also notice that, the moment that conversation began, all the eyes that were locked on Ruby and me decided that they'd better just go about their regular business."
    "I'm at a loss to explain Albert's behavior. Must come with the territory...I haven't known a sane person yet that had worked the obituary section for more than a year."
    "Then again, I don't believe I've met more than one person (besides Albert) that fits said criteria."
    r "Well...here's my desk. Have a seat, Bass. I don't have anything for you yet, but I'm sure you'll find some way to keep yourself occupied."
    b "I can think of several already, but I can't do any of them in polite company."
    r "...."
    b "Wow. Nothing?"
    r "...."
    b "Alright, geez, I get the message; quit glaring at me."
    "Ruby breaks her piercing gaze and takes a quick glance at the workload on her desk - mostly just a few copy-editing assignments for the obituary section - and heads off to the break room to get some coffees."
    "She really could use some, herself. After that encounter with Albert, she looks too tired to go on, and that's pretty rich, considering she only just walked in."
    "It really seems like this job is taking its toll on her."
    "After about five minutes, I see her walk past the desk with two steaming styrofoam cups in hand. She gives me a quick wink - or at least I think that was a wink - before she nudges Albert's door open with a foot."
    "Thanks to the door hanging wide open, I'm able to hear their conversation, but I keep out of sight, lest Albert discover me."
    "He hasn't paid me much notice yet, but I can't imagine he'd take it well if he noticed I was spying on him."
    "The resulting conversation is...less than pleasant."
    al "What the hell is this?"
    r "It's coffee, Albert. You know, they farm those little bean things down in Brazil, grind them up, boil them in water for a while?"
    al "It's {i}two{/i} coffees. I did only ask for {i}one{/i}, did I not?"
    r "I only got one for you. The other one isn't yours."
    al "I've got {i}health issues{/i} where I can't drink more than one cup of coffee every four hours. You're trying to kill me, aren't you?"
    r "{i}The other one isn't yours.{/i}"
    al "Is that why you took your sweet time bringing me my cup, because you decided to get two?"
    "Argh! I just want to run right in there and kick him in the testicles!"
    r "No, I--"
    "It takes some work to place the noise I hear next. It sounds like a clunk, followed by a little splash."
    r "Ow-ow-ow-oW-OW! GOD! DAMMIT!"
    al "{i}Language{/i}, Tony, or have you forgotten about taking the Lord's name in vain? Get out of my office!"
    "Ruby darts out, grabbing furiously at her blouse and slamming Albert's door on the way."
    "There's a rather large coffee stain in the middle of her chest."
    "And, as usual, {i}nobody{/i} saw that. Nobody's saying a word through the whole office, either."
    r "I hope to God you saw that!"
    "She says it as quietly as she can, through clenched teeth, as she tries to wring the hot coffee out of her blouse."
    "Some of it must have gotten on her face, too, as I notice her skin has turned red a little bit."
    b "I did. He keeps that crap up, he's gonna--"
    r "No."
    b "\"No\" what?"
    r "You're going to hurt him. I don't want that."
    b "Why not? He deserves it! Nobody throws hot coffee at a lady, especially not at you!"
    "Ruby claps a hand on my shoulder and grips as tightly as she can, giving me a look so serious I'd swear she was a father, or maybe a drill instructor, in a previous life."
    r "He might be a slimeball bastard, but kicking him in the nuts isn't going to solve the problem. It's just going to get you saddled with an assault charge, and that'll ruin any chance you had of getting that investigator's license you're always so fired up about."
    "I shut up about now. She's got a point - acting now wouldn't solve anything. The coffee could have been an accident, for all I knew. I didn't exactly see it happen, after all, despite what I told Ruby..."
    "That's probably also why she hasn't just slapped Albert as hard as she can, as of yet."
    "I hate biding my time. The pressure's going to build up sooner or later, and when it lets loose, it won't be pretty if it's left for too long."
    "Learned that one in science class."
    "The rest of the day is mostly uneventful - Albert apparently treats all the other staffers about the same way he does Ruby, and that is to say, not well."
    "Most people try to stay out of his way and avoid eye contact."
    "I guess Ruby is a target because she's the only person so far who has even attempted to stand up to him."
    "I really wonder why the editor-in-chief hasn't done anything yet."
    "By the end of the day, it's too dark to walk the streets, so I ride home with Ruby."
    
    scene bg VistaCruiserInterior
    with dissolve
    "We spend the drive in utter silence. There are no words."
    "Ever since my first case flipped my night-owl sleeping schedule upside-down, I haven't seen the city at night like I used to."
    "I hadn't realized until now how much I missed the look of it. Even though nobody's open at half past nine, and all the buildings are darkened, the street lights leave a serene orange glow everywhere."
    
    scene bg ApartmentExterior
    with dissolve
    "I feel relaxed, all of a sudden. The only thing that'd be more relaxing, at this point, is rain."
    
    scene bg ApartmentHallway
    with dissolve
    "Speaking of which...it starts to drizzle a bit as I get out of Ruby's car. I bid her farewell, as her car squeals off into the darkness."
    "I notice Arthur's home tonight, and his light's on, so I ask him if I got any mail."
    a "You got bills, shitty magazines, some catalog from a store that doesn't even have a branch near here...oh, and this letter from the Department of Justice."
    b "Ooh. Gimme."
    "He hands me the armload, and I head up to my apartment to check it all out."
    
    scene bg Tandy
    with dissolve
    "I immediately tear into that last one. It feels as if there is something thin, solid, and laminated within it."
    "Yes, it's the item I've been waiting for - my private investigator's license."
    "It looks like they just used the photograph from my state ID (since I don't have a proper driver's license yet). Not really flattering, but at least the face looks right."
    "Time to get me some work."
    play sound "sound/ModemDial.wav"
    "Since I still don't really have any money for a newspaper ad, I turn to the one place that worked in the past: The Chatbox."
    "My fingers play a glorious staccato, or maybe a Neil Peart drum-solo, as I hammer out a new post."
    play sound "sound/typing.mp3"
    pc "POST #2002 - PRIVATE EYE TAKING CASES AGAIN{w}\nBastion Crowley here.{w} The last ad I posted on here got a pretty heated reception, and I really apologize for it, but now that I'm a licensed investigator, I once again offer my services.{w} No case is too small.{w} Get in touch with me at (xxx)xxx-xxxx and I'll listen to your problems."
    "There. Ought to be friendly enough this time."
    "Given that this is a college-hosted BBS, most students at the community college already have immediate access to the message. The replies flood in, right on cue."
    pc "Again? I never saw your last ad... -IN"
    pc "Oh, it's just some guy that thinks he's Thomas Magnum. -Asteroids{w}\nPS. Very funny, guys, the cops don't even know what a BBS is, they can't trace you through phone lines."
    pc "That's what you think. -MM"
    pc "That's what they WANT you to think. -irma"
    pc "What, you mean that what he thinks he thinks is what the police want him to think he's thinking? -MM"
    pc "Or maybe what the police think they want him to think he's thinking. -DC"
    pc "You guys are making my head hurt. -Asteroids"
    "Pretty much the same stuff as last time, but given the quick response I got before, I'd say it's only a matter of time before someone serious gets a hold of me."
    "Or tries to pull me into another patsy gig."
    "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I like to think I'm perceptive enough to know when I'm being manipulated."
    "I give the ad some time to stew, and hit the sack. I'm wiped out from watching people work all day."
    
    scene bg Black
    with dissolve
    "...."
    
    scene bg BedroomInteriorFull at right
    with dissolve
    play sound "sound/phonering.mp3"
    "Just as I'm about to plant my lips upon the sacred ground that is Jennifer Connelly, the phone jolts me out of bed."
    "How many times...argh, I'm just going to have to learn how to daydream."
    
    scene bg BastionsOffice
    with dissolve
    stop sound
    "I snag the phone before the answering machine picks it up."
    b "Crowley's office, how can I help?"
    l "Uh...my name's Lilly Maxwell. I need help."
    "It's a youthful voice, soured a bit by the obvious sound of worry and anxiety. I don't detect any tears over the phone, but her voice is shaking as if they aren't far off."
    b "What do you need help with, Miss Maxwell?"
    "A little tip I remember from one of those pulp novels. Don't call your client by their first name. You could get attached, and suddenly it's not about the truth anymore, it's about making the client happy."
    "Which might pay the bills more frequently, but it could get you in trouble down the line."
    l "I-it's my mom...uh...can I come visit? I...don't want to talk on the phone..."
    b "Sure, I don't mind. Pop by the office and we'll talk. Do you know the way?"
    "She doesn't. I spend about five minutes giving her remarkably detailed directions and waiting for her to write them down."
    "I start to warn her about the parking lot costing money, but she says it's not a problem for her."
    "When she says her goodbyes, I start thinking about what she might look like, based on the sound of her voice."
    "Okay, so far I'm only one-for-two as far as pegging a speaker's appearance from their voice alone...my last client ended up looking a lot dumpier than I'd imagined, but I wasn't far off with that receptionist."
    "Doesn't stop me from using my imagination a bit."
    "Lilly Maxwell...I'd imagine based on her asking about her mom, that she's probably young. She didn't sound like she could be any older than 15. I'd think...blonde, short, skinny, probably a late bloomer."
    "I realize that the person I'm imagining was the girl I tried to ask to the prom back in my high school days."
    "If I remember correctly, that was the first time a woman ever slapped me in the face."
    "I knew I shouldn't have tried memorizing that poem."
    "I was 14, how was I supposed to know the difference between saccharine and sapphic?"
    "The door receives a knock, and I answer the door personally. Behind it is a young girl of 15, with long, naturally curly blonde hair."
    "Huh. Looks like I'm right for once. Lilly Maxwell walks to the desk slowly, cautiously glancing at the relative disarray of my so-called office, and I realize that I'm only an inch short of eye level with her...and I'm sitting down."
    "Her knee-length skirt only makes her legs more noticeable. They're a bit like...{w}streetlamps."
    "...damn it, Ruby, get out of my head."
    "She pulls up a stool towards the desk. I catch what looks like a huge wave of anxiety from her face."
    b "Have a seat. Really."
    "Despite having grabbed a stool, she remains standing. It seems like she's only using it to lean on."
    "She's having quite a lot of trouble getting her voice to work. I'm sincerely trying not to push her too hard to tell me the problem. It has to come naturally; urging and forcing won't work."
    "Push someone too hard, and they won't trust you.{w}..yes, I'm aware how terrible that sounds. Shut up."
    l "My mom is missing."
    b "Why do you believe your mother to be missing, Miss Maxwell?"
    l "She hasn't been home in two weeks. She hasn't called. She...had a show...two weeks ago...and didn't come home."
    b "Miss Maxwell, did you file a missing persons report with the local police?"
    "She shakes her head, but what comes out of her mouth isn't a no, it's a yes."
    l "I did, last week. Nothing's happened."
    b "Where did you last see your mother?"
    l "Like I said before...she was doing a show in town two weeks ago. Pacific Southeast Community College."
    b "You've been there yourself?"
    "It's a nod this time."
    l "I was given a key to get into the Civic Center theater on campus."
    b "Who gave it to you?"
    l "Mom did. The night she performed. She said she wanted to see me."
    b "Do you not see your mom often?"
    l "...."
    "Damn. Probably the wrong question to ask."
    b "I'm sorry, I..."
    l "No...you're right."
    b "Right about what?"
    l "Mom doesn't...come see me very often..."
    l "This would have been the first time in a month."
    b "Miss Maxwell, do you..."
    "\"...live by yourself?\" is how I want to finish this sentence."
    "Lilly is already on the verge of tears again, though, and I wouldn't forgive myself if I made her cry. Not a pretty girl like her."
    l "Yes."
    "The word is barely audible, even though the office is dead silent."
    b "Uh...\'yes\' to what?"
    l "I live by myself. I have since I started high school."
    b "And how long..."
    l "I'll be a junior starting next term."
    b "So about the key...it opens the door to the Civic Center?"
    l "Yes."
    b "Did your mother give it to you in person?"
    l "No...she had it sent to me at school. A city courier gave me the package."
    "Although I'm sure the possibility exists somewhere, I'm pretty damn sure the city courier isn't going to be our suspect."
    "Besides, would Lilly even be able to recognize a city courier that she saw for all of a minute?"
    "It's already enough of a stretch to ask a robbery victim to describe their assailant in court."
    
    scene bg ApartmentExterior
    with dissolve
    "It doesn't seem like Lilly has any other information that would help. I'm eager to have a look at the Civic Center, so I ask her to come along and check it out with me."
    "The two of us make the short uphill hike to the bus stop, a block away from my place. The sky is clear this morning, but the streets and sidewalks still bear evidence of last night's drizzle."
    
    # Perhaps getting on/off the bus should be punctuated with hydraulic door noises?
    scene bg CityBus
    with dissolve
    "Since I don't have a lot of cash on me, Lilly ends up paying the bus fare. I tell her to consider it part of the fee."
    "It dawns on me that I haven't figured out how much I should be charging. I'll think about that later."
    "The bus ride is somehow a bit more bearable than usual."
    "Probably because I'm concentrating more on comforting my client than I am on the larder that got on at 22nd."
    "My mind is solely on the job. Miss Maxwell won't be of much use if she's in a state of panic."
    
    scene bg PSECCBusStop
    with dissolve
    "When the bus pulls in to the stop by the Pacific Southeast Community College, the two of us disembark."
    "The Civic Center is clear on the other side of the campus. It takes about 15 minutes of walking just to get that far."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: PSECCCC exterior.
    "Since there's no show going on, it's closed down. Lilly hands me the key, which I try on the front door, fruitlessly."
    b "Are you sure this is a key to the theater?"
    l "Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot to tell you. There's another door around back, and that's what the key goes to."
    "The stage door. I hadn't thought of that. Some sleuth I'm turning out to be, so far..."
    
    scene bg TheaterBackstage1
    with dissolve
    "We circle around to the rear side of the building, where the key actually fits and works."
    "I catch a whiff of dust, kicked up by the heavy door swinging."
    "It doesn't appear as if the Civic Center Auditorium is used very frequently at all."
    "In fact, I'd wager it hasn't been used since Mrs. Maxwell's concert."
    
    scene bg TheaterStage
    with dissolve
    "Lilly sneezes a couple of times with a cute noise that almost sounds like a kitten."
    "Well, it does seem like she's not in as grim of a mood as she was at the office."
    "I mean, my apartment."
    "I don't know why I keep calling it the office."
    "Maybe I'm getting too deep into this P.I. thing."
    
    scene bg TheaterBackstage2
    with dissolve
    "The two of us find our way into the Civic Center's basement, where the dressing rooms are. I notice a door bearing a painted star and a sticker bearing the name, Myrna Maxwell."
    "That confirms my suspicion that the auditorium has been untouched since the performance two weeks back."
    l "I, uh, forgot to tell you, Mr. Crowley, my mother's name is Myrna."
    "Thank you, I'd gathered that."
    "I'd tell her to call me Bastion - still trying to get used to that \"Mr. Crowley\" thing - but I don't, for the same reason I've been calling her Miss Maxwell."
    "It's a propriety thing."
    "I really don't want to know what lies beyond the dressing room door...it could be anything. Worst case scenario, Lilly's mother could be dead inside this room."
    "Just in case, I ask her to stand back from the door as I open it carefully."
    "Except the doorknob doesn't turn."
    "No amount of jiggling the handle or tugging with all my might will make it budge."
    "It's one of those solid metal doors. I have a sneaking suspicion that this might have been a boiler room at some point."
    "I get the Civic Center key out of my pocket again and try it on this door. Disappointingly, it doesn't even fit, let alone turn the lock."
    "Well, damn."
    l "Now what?"
    b "Don't worry. I've got this."
    "Alright. Time to put that lockpicking expertise to use."
    "I'm glad I brought my wallet. I pull a card out - my Ralph's Club membership, which has been useful all of once - and try that old trick."
    "I grab the doorknob with my off-hand and force it in one direction. It stops at only a few degrees of turn, but the latch has still moved enough that I could slip something thin in there and jimmy it open from there."
    # SFX: Card clattering on solid floor.
    "It almost works, except I accidentally lose my grip on the doorknob, causing the latch to knock the card out of my hands, slipping it through the crack in the door and wedging it there. I can't get it out."
    "It did feel like I was onto something, though, so I dig another card out of my wallet and try that one. Hmm...my library card. Haven't used that in a while."
    # SFX: Card again.
    "The surface of this doorknob is just too smooth and difficult to keep a hold on. I lose my grip on it again, once again propelling the card through the crack."
    "I only have one card left, and that's my state ID card. (My investigator's license is too valuable to risk.)"
    "This time, I have Lilly hold the knob with all her might. After about a solid minute, I've managed to get the door unlatched, and I have Lilly pull the door open."
    # SFX: Heavy door opening.
    "Before the door even opens all the way, I tweak the knob to make sure the door is properly unlocked. It's on one of those gas cylinders that makes it shut automatically if it's hanging open."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Dressing room interior. Make sure some lights are out on vanity, if they exist. Might need to change some details if there aren't any.
    "So this is what a star's dressing room looks like. It's...really a pile."
    "I see a vanity mirror built into the wall with a circle of light bulbs bordering its edge. Half of them are burnt out."
    "I decide to grab my dropped cards from the floor before I continue, but while I'm bent down, I notice a red feather on the ground next to them."
    "It doesn't take long to identify its source. A coat rack next to the vanity mirror has a slinky red dress, the type which wouldn't look out of place at a speakeasy in the middle of Chicago, and a matching feather boa."
    l "Hey...her purse is still here."
    b "Anything still inside?"
    l "Lipstick, coinpurse, billfold, compact, and her VIP pass."
    b "Billfold? Any cash still in it?"
    l "Fifty bucks."
    b "So we can rule out robbery..."
    "I'm interested in that boa. There had to be some reason for a feather from it to be right next to the door."
    "There's a funky smell coming from around the coat rack."
    "I take a cue from one of my literary heroes, Monsieur Hercule Poirot, and use my hand to waft the air around the boa towards my nose."
    "You never smell these things directly."
    "I have...no idea what this stuff is. My head feels a bit weird when I catch its scent."
    "If I had to make an assumption, I'd say it's probably chloroform of some type."
    b "I think I might know what happened to your mother, Miss Maxwell."
    l "What?"
    b "I believe your mother may have been kidnapped."
    l "But the door was locked..."
    b "What difference would that make? The kidnapper could have locked it on their way out."
    l "Haven't you ever heard of a locked-room mystery?"
    b "I hate to disappoint you, Miss Maxwell, but locked-room mysteries typically only involve doors that can only be locked from the inside, and generally involve the victim being dead."
    b "You might recall the door had a lock on the outside. And I really don't believe that your mother is dead...just kidnapped."
    l "Oh...sorry, I just thought you might want my opinion."
    b "Well don't get me wrong, Miss Maxwell, I do appreciate the insight. Just...please make sure you understand what your suggestions actually mean before you tell them to me."
    "I decide to get back to the investigation, starting from around the vanity."
    "Just in case something sticks out to me, I have a quick glance around the rest of the room. With the idea in mind that Mrs. Maxwell was kidnapped, I'm looking for any signs of a struggle."
    "Curiously, there aren't any, aside from the one feather near the door."
    "The dressing room has only the barest amount of furniture. There's a stool in front of the vanity, almost too perfectly aligned and positioned."
    "Across from the vanity is a cheap little loveseat, in probably the ugliest shade of olive green I've seen in a while. This thing's obviously around ten years old. The 1970's were not kind to the furniture industry."
    "The sofa is facing a tiny little black and white TV, sitting on top of another stool. One of those \"portable\" kitchen models, actually. I switch it on and find that it's tuned to the local PBS station."
    "I find myself trying to remember what was on PBS two weeks ago, but have to convince myself that it's not important to the case."
    "One of those things that comes with being too observant."
    "Back to the vanity, then."
    "The usual array of generic-brand makeup products is scattered around its surface. About five different colors of lipstick, including an ice blue that I've never seen any sane person wearing."
    "Various eyeshadows, blushes, and other products are here as well. There's what looks like a fishing tacklebox here, too, half-open and containing yet more lipsticks and eyeliners."
    "I push it out of the way to find a refillable cigarette lighter, evidently idly discarded."
    b "Does your mother smoke cigarettes, Miss Maxwell?"
    l "No, she doesn't."
    b "So why would she have a cigarette lighter...?"
    "Another quick glance about the room doesn't show me anything that would require a flame. No candles, cigars, fireworks..."
    "Why the hell did I think I'd see fireworks indoors?"
    l "Uh...here, let me have a look."
    "I hand her the nickel-plated lighter. She starts idly playing with it for a bit...I notice that no matter how many times she flicks the tinder, no sparks are coming out of it."
    l "Must be empty..."
    b "If it were given to her as a gift, I'd imagine she never felt the need to fill it...but there's something off about this one."
    "I take the lighter back from her and flick the tinder a few more times. It's oddly loose. It's not grinding against anything..."
    "It's not even in contact with something that would cause it to make sparks."
    b "It's either broken...or a fake."
    "That second option seems to catch Lilly's interest the most."
    b "Why on earth would your mother have a cigarette lighter that doesn't work..."
    l "It must not be hers. It wasn't in her purse, after all..."
    b "Yeah...it was just kind of sitting on the vanity behind the makeup box."
    b "The question remains, though...whose was it? Could it be our kidnapper's?"
    l "Maybe..."
    b "I want you to concentrate, Miss Maxwell. Have you ever seen a cigarette lighter like this before?"
    "She's obviously thinking quite intensely. Her eyes shut tight, she holds a hand up to her forehead as if to channel some kind of psychic energy."
    l "...."
    l "No, I don't think I've seen it before."
    b "That doesn't really give us a lot to go on."
    b "Just from looking around here, the most I can figure is that your mother was abducted. I don't have a clear idea by who, and that cigarette lighter is the only solid clue we've got."
    l "...Wait."
    l "Someone Mom knew...someone I think I know too...has a cigarette lighter like that. Let me see it again."
    "I hand it back to her, but in the process notice an engraving that I'm amazed I didn't see before."
    "It's...a single angel's wing. It's just faintly etched into it; that's probably why I didn't notice it at first."
    "As Lilly rotates it in her hand, something visibly clicks in her mind."
    l "I might have seen someone with a lighter like this. A man. Someone who talked to Mom."
    b "A man?"
    l "I can't remember who exactly...I can only remember that it was a man. Probably a staff member or a teacher, but I can't remember who!"
    b "You're sure it was someone at school? Maybe it was your mother's manager, or agent?"
    l "I don't think she had one of those..."
    "It worries me that she's already talking about Myrna in the past tense."
    b "The activities director at the college? Did he have a lighter?"
    l "I really don't know..."
    "She's getting frustrated. I know the feeling - the information almost seems like it's on the tip of her tongue, but she can't seem to find the right mental trigger to reveal it to her."
    b "We'd probably better get a move on. We've seen enough for now, I think."
    "I gently take her hand and lead her out of the Civic Center's basement and through the stage door exit."
    
    scene bg PSECCBusStop
    with dissolve
    "The trek back to the bus stop is made in near-total silence. Lilly never lets go of my hand the whole way."
    "Back in the day, I recall {a=Case2Flashback}a similar thing happening{/a} between me and my younger sister."
    jump Case2FlashbackAfter
    
label Case2Flashback:
    "A long time ago, Mom took my two sisters and I shopping at the local mall. The idea was that we would all stick together, get new clothes, and get out as soon as we could."
    "My mom and older sister were fine. Things only got to be headache-inducing when my younger sister, Tera, went missing."
    "Mom had a fit of panic on the spot when she realized what happened. My older sister, Tracy, had to stay there and comfort her."
    "Meanwhile, I went back to the place I expected her to turn up, the candy store we'd passed twice that day."
    "Tera had been sitting on the ground just outside, crying. It didn't take long to find her; the sound reached almost the whole food court."
    "Lilly's hand is starting to shake, pulling me out of my bittersweet memories and back to the present."
    return
    
label Case2FlashbackAfter:
    "I can't say I know what it's like for a mother to turn up missing, but I do realize it's just as big a problem on the other side."
    "I grab her hand tighter as the big brother instinct comes flooding back."
    
    scene bg CityBus
    with dissolve
    "The bus mercifully decides to show up at the exact moment we reach the stop. Our tickets haven't expired yet, so we don't need to buy new ones."
    "It's just past the lunch rush, so the bus is nearly empty this time, leaving me with my thoughts."
    "All of which seem to be pointing towards how hungry I am."
    "I really need to start eating breakfast again."
    b "Uh, hey...are you hungry? There's a cheap place a few stops from here..."
    l "We might as well...I need to think about something else for a while, anyway..."
    b "You know, it's very important that we figure out who the man is that owned this lighter."
    l "I know, I know! I just...it's...I can't concentrate!"
    b "In that case, it probably would be better if we took a break. Uh, it's this next stop...pull the cable for me, will you?"
    "She tugs on the yellow signal cable dangling from the window. The almost game-show-like ringer that sounds indicates that it worked."
    "Bus Driver" "22nd street, next stop."
    "The driver confirms the stop being signaled and pulls over, right in front of the diner."
    
    scene bg DinerInterior
    with dissolve
    "I've probably eaten at this diner way too many times by now, but damn, you can't get better soup and sandwich."
    "Lilly graciously offers to pay for the whole lunch for both of us. Really nice of her, because I don't have money myself."
    i "Mornin', detective."
    b "...\"Detective\"?"
    i "You did just get your investigator's license, right?"
    b "Yeah, but I'm not a police detective. Strictly private practice."
    i "Oh, you and I both know you still answer to the police."
    "...She's right. That license test comes back to mind."
    "{i}{b}C){/b} Take your evidence to the police, immediately.{/i}"
    "Doesn't miss a step, this woman."
    "She probably catches steps that she really doesn't have any business catching."
    "...As evidenced by the next thing she says."
    i "So, this your girlfriend?"
    b "No. She's a client."
    i "Bastion, I had no idea you were into that sort of thing!"
    l "?!"
    "Lilly's face turns a rather amusing shade of red."
    b "Please, Irma, I think you're embarrassing the poor girl."
    i "Ah, I'm sorry. You must mean \"client\" in the investigative sense, not in the..."
    b "Don't say it."
    i "Alright, sure, you're the boss. Now...what can I getcha?"
    "Lilly goes first, and orders half a club sandwich, a green salad, and a glass of orange juice. Makes me feel guilty about ordering the BLT burger and a milkshake."
    "When the food arrives, Irma singles me out."
    i "So didja hear?"
    b "I hear a lot of things."
    i "No, but did you {i}hear{/i}?"
    b "Seriously, I have no idea what you're talking about. Give me something specific."
    i "That {i}thing{/i}, you know...that {i}thing{/i}?"
    b "For God's sake, Irma, give it to me straight!"
    "She leans in as if she's about to disclose a corporate secret. When it comes to Irma, though, {i}anything{/i} can be a corporate secret."
    i "That guy, Marcus Tosh, the guy they made for ten years for insurance fraud and destruction of property?"
    "...Where the hell did she hear about that?"
    i "I heard some things about that case. They say the police already knew where everything was...they were in and out in less than ten minutes. You know what I think?"
    b "You probably think the cops were on the take, right?"
    i "Well, you know how I keep saying that museum is run by the Mafia?"
    b "Uh-huh..."
    "I'm losing interest rapidly here."
    i "This has been a long time comin', I'll tell ya what. They've been staking the place out, just waiting for someone to screw something up, step outta line, you know?"
    b "Yeah..."
    i "But you know what I think, though? This wasn't mob-related at all. They used a contractor. Had someone stakeout the place."
    i "Strictly under-the-table stuff, you know."
    "You're getting warmer..."
    i "There've been rumors that their contractor wasn't licensed."
    "Warmer..."
    i "Yeah, but those are just rumors..."
    "Funny. What Irma disregards as heresay often ends up being the truth, and yet the stuff she actually believes is faker than the moon landings."
    i "Anyway, I'll let ya get back to your burger. ANTON!"
    "She shifts her attention to a male employee that can't be any older than Lilly, who is idly sitting in one of the booths and wiping the same section of table with a washcloth that probably used to be wet when he started."
    "He must have been listening to the conversation and not focusing on his work."
    "The burger is pretty good. Irma's good at what she does, when it comes to culinary matters."
    "Just wish she were a better conversationalist."
    b "So, Miss Maxwell...what kind of performance was your mother giving two weeks ago?"
    l "She's an actor."
    "That's marvelously vague. Obviously she's no stranger to a stage, but that doesn't tell me if she does comedy or Shakespeare."
    b "I'm gonna need a bit more than that...I'm trying to piece together why someone would want to..."
    l "I know what you're trying to do, and I'm really sorry that I have to get in the way, but I'd prefer not to talk about my mom's acting career here."
    l "At least...not with {i}her{/i} in the room."
    "She gestures in an unsubtle fashion towards Irma, who is now planting a broom in Anton's hand. He doesn't seem to understand a thing."
    b "You know, you're pretty well spoken for your age."
    l "Mom always told me that I should learn to say what I mean as clearly as possible. Leave no doubt, she said."
    b "Seems like good advice to live by, until you find something that you need to lie about."
    l "Like what?"
    b "Like, what exactly does your mother do for a living?"
    l "I don't want to say, right now."
    b "Exactly."
    "She seems to get the point I'm trying to convey, but that doesn't get me any closer to an answer to that question."
    "It'll be hard to get anything else out of her for now."
    "So let's see...what all did I learn about Myrna Maxwell's situation?"
    "Fact one: she is nowhere to be found."
    "Fact two: she is an actor of some type, and she gave a performance at the Pacific Southeast Community College Civic Center (PSECCCC)."
    "Fact three: Traces of (what I assume to be) chloroform were detected on a feather boa found in Myrna Maxwell's dressing room."
    "Fact four: I found a feather from said piece near the dressing room door."
    "Fact five: PSECCCC is a really stupid acronym."
    "Fact five, for real: A refillable, aluminum cigarette lighter with an angel wing etching was found at the scene. Its owner is not Myrna Maxwell, but an as yet unidentified male."
    "I pull the lighter out of my coat pocket and give it a closer look."
    "It's made of brushed aluminum, recently polished by the look of it. The angel's wing design comes through especially clear underneath the diner's fluorescent lighting."
    "The striker doesn't get enough friction to make sparks, and it seems to be out of fuel anyway."
    "On the bottom of the lighter is a tiny brass plaque. There are some letters and numbers on it that I almost can't read."
    "Mfg. by Ace Co. 1981. KA93NATI334"
    "That jumble of letters and numbers...I've been wrong about this sort of thing before, but I suspect that might be a serial number or something."
    "I wonder if I could look it up. ...oh, what the hell am I thinking, it's not like cigarette lighters are under controlled sale."
    "Any schmuck with a valid ID and ten bucks could walk into your neighborhood gas station food mart and buy one of those at the counter."
    "It's not like they keep sales records of these things."
    "I find myself idly playing with the striker. Even though it's so loose as to be effectively useless."
    "The check arrives and Lilly picks up the tab. It's time to go, while our bus tickets are still valid."
    
    scene bg ApartmentExterior
    with dissolve
    "She gets off a few stops away from my building. Time for her to go home. Before we part, she makes sure I get a scrap of paper with her home phone number on it and the name of the high school she attends."
    "I hop off a few streets later and walk round the corner to the apartment building."
    "I've got some phone calls to make."
    
    scene bg ApartmentHallway
    with dissolve
    "Arthur stops me halfway up the stairs."
    a "You've got yourself a client again, haven't you?"
    b "That'd be right...what tipped you off?"
    a "Well, I was pretty sure something was up when you got that letter from the Justice department...then that girl showed up...and now you've been gone most of the day."
    b "I've been gone most of the day before. What's different this time?"
    a "Ruby didn't pick you up."
    b "Ah ha. You don't miss a step."
    "Starting to wonder if Arthur is an ex-cop, or something."
    b "So what's this about?"
    a "Just making a gesture of good faith. I bucked out and got you a new door, since you said your old one was sticking a bit, and I covered the cost, but I want a guarantee in writing from you that you'll pay me half of what you make off this case."
    "You didn't need to get me a whole new door. I said I'd figured out why it was sticking...just needed some sandpaper."
    a "Yeah, well, a little bird told me you were gonna do this whole sleuthing thing full-time, so I figured I'd at least help you look the part."
    "Oh god. What did he do?"
    "I cautiously step past him up the rest of the stairs and take the first right into my apartment..."
    "My front door now has a frosted glass window. It's the kind of pattern that I tend to see on church windows. Layered on top of it are the words, BASTION CROWLEY, INVESTIGATIVE SERVICES."
    b "I'm impressed. You spelled my name right."
    a "I'm impressed too; you haven't sent me a rent check in so long that I'm surprised I still had the stub from the last one to check the spelling."
    b "Touche."
    
    scene bg BastionsOffice
    with dissolve
    play sound "sound/door2.wav"
    "His message made clear, he heads back down to his place on the bottom floor, and I open my new door with the replacement key he'd given me."
    "I've got a phone book of my own now. After the last case had me scouring town to find the one phone book that hadn't been used as a fecal repository, I was eager to have a pristine one myself."
    "I guess I used to just throw mine away, including the one I was supposed to have gotten this month, and the phone company charged me a $10 reprinting fee."
    "Really wish they'd get with the times, like I have. It'd be really nice if I could just consult a BBS to get phone number listings."
    "It takes me about 15 minutes of flipping through the business section to find a number that seems related to what I need."
    "ACE Metalworking Company, 2232 East T Street."
    "I've got a hunch that this is the same AceCo that manufactured this lighter, so I slide the phone over on my desk and punch in the number for their office."
    "Outside of the computer, the phone is the most technologically advanced thing in my apartment, and only then because it's a rental."
    "It's touch-tone and has a great red light on the receiver that blinks when it rings."
    "It's not like those new fancy office phones though. The ringer on it is still just a bell, instead of the beepers they put in the new ones."
    "Hell, whatever gets me up in the morning."
    "It takes a couple of tries to raise anybody at AceCo."
    "The line seems perpetually busy for the first three attempts, but I eventually get it to ring. What picks up on the other end, though, isn't a human. It's one of those new computerized menus."
    "Ahh, technology."
    "Operator" "Thank you for calling Ace Metalworking Company. Our office hours are from 7 AM to 9 PM. Please listen carefully; if you have a touch-tone phone, you may press the buttons on your phone to select an option."
    "Operator" "If you have a question about our products, press 1. If you have a complaint to register, press 2. If you would like to speak to a specific employee, press 3 and dial the extension when prompted. If you are not sure where to go, or if you do not have a touch-tone phone, please stay on the line and you will be connected to our switchboard."
    "I'll just ignore the menu...from my experience, these menus aren't worth bothering with. It's easier to talk to a human by not pushing anything."
    "A series of beeps and clicks later, I'm on hold."
    "Phone" "We appreciate your patience. Someone will be with you as soon as possible."
    "I grab a look at the time. Their office should still be open this late."
    "...I better find some way to kill time. Can't just sit here and listen to the hold music; I'll go bonkers."
    
    scene bg Tandy
    with dissolve
    "Phone" "We appreciate your patience. Someone will be with you as soon as possible."
    "The Tandy starts booting up my modified Daedalus Star Voyage."
    "I wish this didn't take so long..."
    "Phone" "We appreciate your patience. Someone will be with you as soon as possible."
    pc "YOU HAVE 420 UNITS OF FUEL ENERGY LEFT. YOU HAVE 6 FUEL ENERGY RECEPTACLES TO DIVIDE THEM INTO. HOW MANY UNITS SHOULD GO INTO EACH TANK, FUCK HEAD?"
    "...I hate math."
    "Thankfully, I altered this one to not only have more swearing, but also to have a backdoor workaround."
    "Phone" "We appreciate your patience. Someone will be with you as soon as possible."
    "I bash in the secret code on the keyboard..."
    play sound "sound/typing.mp3"
    pc ">THEGAMEISAFOOT"
    pc "HEY, YOU FUCKING DID IT. YOU'RE A HERO. LET'S HOLD A PARADE."
    pc "WHAT THE HELL DID YOU EXPECT, YOU JUST REFUELLED YOUR SHIP, NOT DESTROYED A BATTLE CRUISER. NEXT MATH QUESTION."
    "I think I just insulted myself."
    "Phone" "We appreciate your patience. Someone will be with you as soon as possible."
    "Aw, come on! Pick up the phone!"
    "Fuck your little computer system, I want a human!"
    "Phone" "We appreciate your patience. Someone will be with you as soon as possible."
    "Shut your pie hole; you're not helping things."
    "Just as I nearly say that out loud, though, I finally hear some clicking on the other line, followed by ringing."
    "Another click signals the arrival of the first human I've spoken to all night."
    "Phone" "AceCo, you've reached the reception desk. Is there something I can help you with?"
    b "Yes, uh..."
    "Damn, I didn't have my question ready for her!"
    "Phone" "Do you need some time to prepare? I could put you on hold again--"
    b "No, no, I got it."
    b "I have a question about what I believe is one of your products, an aluminum-plated cigarette lighter with a special design?"
    "Phone" "Yes, we do make cigarette lighters, what is your question?"
    b "The one I've got here has an angel wing design and a serial number...KA93NATI334. That's Kilo, Alpha, Niner, Three, November, Alpha, Tango, India, Three, Three, Four."
    "Ah, the NATO phoenetic alphabet. Dad never got the chance to teach it to me, but I imagine he would have, if he hadn't gotten shot in the face in Vietnam. I found the cheat-sheet for it among his belongings."
    "Phone" "Okay, I just need to clarify to you, sir, that what you've just told me is not actually a serial number, that is just a model number. Every product in that line bears that same identifying number."
    b "Alright...anything else you could tell me? Are there more of these cigarette lighters with the same design, or is this a one-off?"
    "Phone" "The product number you described to me does not go to a cigarette lighter."
    b "Huh? But...what I'm holding is a..."
    "Phone" "Oh, I understand, it's quite common to mistake that product for a real cigarette lighter. As a matter of fact, that's the entire point - the product you've got is actually one of our patent-pending mini-safes."
    "...It makes sense now. Myrna doesn't smoke, so why would she carry a lighter? Easy - it's not a lighter."
    "But Lilly told me that she didn't think that Myrna had a...thing...like this in her possession."
    b "Okay then, uh, just one more question then...where would I look if I wanted to buy another one of these?"
    "Phone" "You would probably find a mini-safe like that at a security goods store, or any shop that deals in spy gear."
    "Whoa. They make stores that sell spy gear?"
    "I almost forget to thank the receptionist before hanging up, as I'm quite distracted by thoughts of owning a pen that functions as a dart gun, or a car with an ejector seat."
    "Hell...a car, {i}period{/i}."
    "If this thing's a mini-safe, I guess trying to light it was the wrong approach. I tug upwards on the striker wheel, pulling out the (fake) lighter assembly to reveal..."
    "Nothing."
    "Damn. I was hoping there was at least something useful in here...like a roll of money. Or a secret message that I'd have to decode."
    "Which reminds me, I should figure out where this thing might have been purchased."
    "I flip the phone book through the business section, settling on S for Security."
    "(Well, actually, more like S for Spy Gear, but there isn't such a section in the phone book, sadly.)"
    "Three such locations exist in this town. One seems to be factory-direct and deals mainly in cameras and monitoring equipment. Another is near where I usually have lunch, but they seem to only sell their goods to corporate customers."
    "The last one is actually located inside the Pacific Court Mall."
    "We might be a relatively small city, but we somehow found room for a shopping mall."
    "It went right over where my favorite video rental store used to be."
    "They're still in business, but I have to ride a bus to get to them now."
    "Small price to pay if I ever decide I want to check out that copy of...er, ahem."
    "After copying down the address into my notebook, I switch the Tandy off and decide to get some sleep."
    "I've been on the phone all damn night. That kind of wears a guy out, you know?"
    
    scene bg Black
    with dissolve
    "...."
    
    show bg BedroomInteriorFull at right
    with dissolve
    play sound "sound/ArtieCrash.mp3"
    "The next morning starts not with a phone, but with a crunch."
    "It's probably Artie and that van again. He must have gone shopping this morning, or something."
    "But upon glancing at the clock, it's not even 6 AM. None of the shops are even open yet."
    show bg BedroomInteriorFull:
        xpos -665.0 ypos 0 xanchor 0 yanchor 0
        linear 2.0 xpos -200 ypos 0
    "I peer out the window. It's Ruby."
    "Shit. It just occurred to me that I'd forgotten something yesterday..."
    "And of course, she wastes no time in letting me know. She hops out of her Vista Cruiser, slamming the door loudly enough to shake the last bits of sleep from me in the process, aims her face skyward, and lets loose."
    r "Bastion, you dumbass! I spent two hours out here yesterday waiting for you to wake up, and you were already gone!"
    "She shows no signs of letting up, so I hurriedly throw on some shoes and my flight jacket (yet again still wearing yesterday's shirt and pants) and rush downstairs."
    
    scene bg ApartmentExterior
    with dissolve
    r "And furthermore--"
    b "Ruby. Calm the hell down."
    # SFX: punch and collapse.
    "She makes a motion to strike, and not the lawyer term, either. I try to step backwards, but only succeed in tripping over my foot in the process, not only taking the punch in the face, but also falling on my ass on the sidewalk."
    r "You made me fucking late for work, and Albert threw another coffee at me."
    b "What, today?"
    r "Yesterday, you dumbass! At least call in if you're not planning to show up!"
    b "Alright, geez, keep it down...look, I'm sorry, I got a case and forgot to tell you."
    "She calms down unusually fast when she hears that all-important C word."
    r "What've you got?"
    b "15-year-old girl, says her mother went missing, probably kidnapped. The mother is a stage performer, I found a feather boa in her dressing room that smells like...well I don't want to say it's chloroform, but I felt kinda funky when I caught a whiff."
    r "Kidnapping...I like it."
    r "Unfortunately there's not a lot I can do to help right now; I gotta get to work. You coming this time?"
    b "Well, I wanted to take a trip downtown and look into this lead--"
    r "{i}You're supposed to say yes.{/i}"
    "She hisses that at me with a mischievous grin on her face. It'd be most unwise to turn her down."
    "...My face hurts."
    b "Alright. Did you clean the car out yet?"
    r "No."
    "Not one to mince words this morning, apparently."
    "I guess it's true what they say about a woman scorned...I used to think it only applied to romantic things."
    "She yanks the passenger side door open and furiously gestures for me to get in. A few empty root beer cans fall to the ground, but she pays them no notice."
    "I get a look around the dashboard before she gets in herself. I can see handprints on the steering wheel from where she probably had a death-grip on it."
    # SFX: Squeaky car engine starting.
    "It somehow occurs to me that I haven't the capability to comprehend the true extent of Ruby's anger."
    "I scramble to plug in my seatbelt at pretty much the same time as she stomps on the gas. This ride is probably going to be less than pleasant."
    "I'd feel much safer - and scream less - if she'd install a racing harness on the passenger seat."
    
    scene bg NewsOfficeExterior
    with dissolve
    "We've somehow made it to the Daily News without becoming a headline in the process."
    "A quick check of my vital organs shows nothing missing, but my heart is working overtime from all the panicking I did over the last 20 minutes."
    "It's still only 6:30 in the morning. Ruby's shift shouldn't be starting for another half-hour. I wonder why she wanted to be this early."
    
    scene bg NewsOffice
    with dissolve
    "...I barely need to ask, as the reason presents itself barely before we get in the door."
    al "Good morning, {i}Ms.{/i} Travaglia. To what do we owe the pleasure, that you're not late this morning?"
    "The face-punching reflex is almost too great to resist. I can even see Ruby's fist noticeably shaking."
    al "Well, first things first, before you get settled in, I would of course like to have a coffee. Get one for yourself, too. Promise I won't throw it at you."
    "His last sentence bears the slightest flavor of sarcasm - not so much to overpower the rest of his words, but certainly enough to notice."
    "Ruby immediately turns tail and heads for the break room. I stop her and mutter to her under my breath."
    b "I've got an idea. You just get to your desk."
    r "Don't throw coffee at him."
    b "He deserves it, but that wasn't what I had in mind. Sit back and watch."
    "Not being an employee of the Daily News grants me certain freedoms."
    "Okay, granted, I'm not supposed to be in the break room - or in fact anywhere other than the front waiting area - unless I'm here to work or give an interview."
    "But hey, what are they gonna do? Fire me?"
    "Fire Ruby?"
    "...Actually yeah, that could be a bad thing."
    "I suppose they could also ask me to leave, threaten me with trespassing charges..."
    "No, quit thinking about that. You're here to do one simple thing, and that's to keep Ruby from going nuts."
    "Pissing off Albert is a nice bonus."
    "I grab a little something from the break room and nudge Albert's door with my foot."
    "Except it's actually properly closed for once. Maybe he fixed the doorknob. Regardless, I briefly carry my item in one hand to get the door open the correct way."
    b "Special delivery for Albert...uh...what was your last name?"
    al "Cervantes. It's Spanish."
    "I set my little surprise on his desk. It's the coffee pot from the break room, which happens to have a very small leak in it. It's almost unnoticeable to most folks, but Albert sees it right away."
    al "What are you doing?! You'll leave a water ring! This desk isn't water-sealed, you know!"
    b "Relax, Al, it's just coffee. That's what you wanted, right?"
    al "Who is your superior? I'll get him on the line and--"
    b "Oh, no need to thank me. Enjoy your joe, sir."
    al "Wait just a minute, you--"
    "And I'm already out the door, shutting it behind me."
    "Amazingly, I managed to draw some witnesses. A trio of women, aged 30-50, are gopher-holing from their cubicles to see what's going on. One of them has a huge grin on her face."
    "Once I make eye contact with them, though, they quickly realize that they should be working and duck down to their desks again."
    "I sit back next to Ruby."
    b "Thoughts, criticisms, improvements?"
    r "You're a jerk."
    b "No way. I'm the anti-jerk. Nobody jerks the anti-jerk."
    r "Shut up."
    b "Yes, ma'am."
    "I spend the next few hours as Ruby's bodyguard. Or wingman. Whatever your term of choice might be."
    "After the both of us find out that Albert left the office at lunch, I finally get Ruby to let me go. She can't drive me back, but she calls me a cab and hands me ten bucks."
    r "Make sure you tip the guy. And don't bring up my name...he might not like it."
    b "Why not?"
    r "That's privileged information, Agent Crowley."
    b "Agent? What is this all of a sudden?"
    r "Forget it. The dispatcher said your cab would be here in two minutes, so you better go out and wait."
    
    scene bg NewsOfficeExterior
    with dissolve
    "I give her a wave and head out. The cab, surprisingly, is already waiting for me."
    rc "Ey, you Mr. Crowley?"
    b "\'Fraid so. You?"
    rc "Name's Rick. Dispatch said I'd been requested by name, but I don't recognize you..."
    b "Uh...let's just say we have a mutual acquaintance, I guess. They didn't want me to mention their name. Said you wouldn't respond well to it."
    rc "Uh huh...I bet I can guess who it is from that, then."
    
    scene bg TaxiInterior
    with dissolve
    "Since he's got the engine idling, I don't take up much more of his time, and hop right in to the back seat of his classic yellow cab."
    "Rick's a handsome-looking Henry Winkler type, with an ill-maintained crew cut, a scruffy patch on his chin, and tiny eyes that seem to be in a perpetual squint."
    b "How much is fare to the Pacific Court Mall?"
    rc "Eh...bit of a long-ish ride, considering it's out of my patrol area, but I'll do it for eight bucks. I'm feelin' generous today."
    "I hand him my fresh, crisp ten dollar bill. I'm almost sad to see it go so soon."
    rc "That works. Alright, here goes..."
    "The cab gets off to a lumbering start, giving off a few shudders and noises that a car really shouldn't be making."
    b "So, uh, you were saying you already know our mutual friend?"
    rc "Pretty sure I do, yeah. Given where I had to pick you up, there's only one person it could be...and really, I'm surprised she requested me, she hasn't taken a ride in my cab for a couple years!"
    b "What's the deal?"
    rc "Before I say anything more, I just wanna make sure we're on the same page here. You talkin' Ruby, right?"
    b "...Yeah."
    rc "She used to get my \'Frequent Rider Discount,\' if you know what I mean, heh heh..."
    b "You're kidding."
    rc "Would I kid about that?"
    b "I can't tell if you actually mean taxi rides, or if you're trying to make cheap innuendo."
    rc "A...little of both."
    "They didn't actually...in here...did they?"
    b "Funny, that's not exactly the kind of thought I'd usually have about a girl like her."
    rc "Well, she was a poor college student, didn't own a car of her own, had some trouble affording the fares...do anything to pay her tab, right?"
    b "I still think you're joking."
    rc "It's not exactly something I can just prove to you, okay? It's my word against hers, and I'm pretty sure she'll deny it. Especially if you're her latest flame."
    "He pulls up to a red light and turns in his seat to make eye contact."
    rc "Are you currently in a relationship with Ruby Travaglia?"
    "He only seems to open his eyes all the way when he's being serious. I can understand why - they're pale, blue, and very striking. He could stare down an alligator."
    b "No. We've known each other since middle school, but it's never gone beyond friendship."
    b "Frankly, I can't imagine her as a love interest. I just don't think we're compatible."
    rc "You know, Ruby did talk about you sometimes. Kept saying she missed having you around after high school. Once told me she probably wouldn't have dropped out of college if you were there."
    b "This is all really fascinating stuff, but it just doesn't sound like her. The Ruby I know seems too hard-assed."
    rc "Alright, so you don't believe me then..."
    "Why would I believe him? Why would a cab driver that I've known for all of 5 minutes have a greater idea of Ruby's inner workings - literal and figurative - than me, the guy she went to high school with?"
    "I think about asking Ruby to confirm all this later, but she did tell me not to mention her..."
    "If I were to take Rick at his word and believe that he was once intimate with Ruby, and then believe Ruby when she says she doesn't think Rick would like hearing her name again..."
    "Whatever relationship Rick and Ruby had together, I could bet it didn't end on amicable terms."
    "I don't have a lot of time to think about it in this cab, though. Rick pulls up next to the parking garage and turns to face me again."
    rc "Here we are, Pacific Court Mall. And, uh, you know what? Here's some change."
    "He hands me back a five."
    rc "Would appreciate it if you didn't tell Ruby we had this discussion. She's probably not gonna be real thrilled if she knew I'd been blabbing about us."
    b "Wouldn't dream of it."
    b "I might be calling on your services in the future, by the way. There's just some places the bus won't go."
    rc "Heh, I hear that. Catch ya 'round, Mr. Crowley!"
    "He speeds off into the sunset before I can get any further words in edgewise...well, except sunset won't be happening for another few hours. It's still just before the lunch rush."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Mall interior. No idea where I'll find a mall of the proper date!
    "I might be able to get some chow at the food court, while I'm here, but first I gotta track down the lead on this fake cigarette lighter..."
    "This mall has {i}everything{/i}."
    "Musical instruments, baby clothes, and a specialty store that sells herbs and spices."
    "There's also two separate Radio Shack stores, located almost directly on top of each other, except one is upstairs at the food court, and the other is next to JC Penney."
    "What I'm here for, though, is a different sort of shop. The phone book referred to it simply as \'Security Store\'; the mall directory lists it as \"Anderson and Pinkerton Security.\""
    "It's on the upper floor, next to a camera shop and a place that makes fresh cinnamon rolls."
    "The smell of icing melting on a fresh hot cross bun is almost too tempting."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: A&P Security. Any security-goods store will do as long as it's wide enough to fit into a mall store layout, probably.
    "As I stroll into A&P Security, a bearded man in suspenders and a hat not unlike Ruby's gets my attention."
    an "Hey there, this is Anderson and Pinkerton, I'm the former, the latter's over there sorting through cabling."
    pk "What's up."
    "I give Pinkerton, who has the look of your typical Dungeon Master, a casual wave, after which he returns to focusing on sorting the coaxial cables from the power cables."
    "Anderson gestures to draw me towards the front counter."
    an "You look like you're here to ask questions, am I right?"
    b "You're right. Must be some kind of salesman's instinct."
    an "Well, you weren't looking at any specific product on your way over here. Most folks' eyes are drawn to the stuff on top of the shelves on the way over."
    b "Ah ha. But yeah, you're right, I've got a question about a specific item."
    an "Shoot."
    "I pull the mini-safe lighter out of my coat pocket and lay it on the counter, half-opened."
    b "Does your store sell things like this?"
    an "Hmm, yes, actually, but they're not exactly popular. We don't tend to keep many in stock."
    b "That's fine by me - makes my job a bit easier in this case. I wonder, could you look up sales records for items like this?"
    an "That's a toughie, there. See, you don't need permits or paperwork to buy safes or containers, and there isn't really a lot of info on those receipts we print, either, unless someone pays by credit card, then we have to go through the whole danged approval bit."
    b "Alright, well, here's a thought. Do your receipts show UPC numbers for purchased items?"
    an "Yeah, why?"
    b "And this store is, of course, hooked up to a security camera feed, yes?"
    an "That's a hell of a leap in logic, boy. Where'd you come up with that?"
    b "Your cash register is one of those newer IBM-branded computerized ones. As far as I can remember, those store date and time information and print it on the receipt when a sale is made."
    b "If you've got a receipt for a purchase of this lighter - or one like it - we could cross-reference the time of purchase with the date and time on your security footage, and maybe I could put a face to my suspect."
    an "You didn't say anythin' about bein' a private eye, boy. I can see ya got the chops for it though."
    b "Yeah. Need to see my ID?"
    an "Nah, I trust ya."
    "How disappointing. I don't think I've had to show my investigator's license to anybody since I got the thing."
    b "Well, really, if you're busy, I could just look through the filed receipts myself and you can keep at whatever you're doing..."
    an "Not really anybody else in here, is there? 'Sides, Pinky over there can take care of any customers that pop in."
    b "Fair enough..."
    "He leads me back behind the counter, where an apparently repurposed library card catalog has been emblazoned with hand-written labels on masking tape."
    "The labels say things like Little Crap, Everything, Rich Fuck, Jackasses, and a separate drawer for American Express."
    "Anderson's first instinct is the Little Crap drawer. He explains that this drawer contains receipts for people who only bought the little cheap stuff, like batteries or flashlights."
    "The lighter-safe, he explains further, only costs five bucks, so that'd fall here."
    "About 30 minutes' worth of searching eventually reveals one positive match. One receipt that bears a UPC that matches the code for one of the lighter-safes and a couple of other things."
    "The cash register claims this transaction took place two months ago, just after lunch."
    "I still need a face, though, so I ask Anderson if his security tapes go back that far."
    "Turns out they do, and he's been recording them to Betamax."
    
    scene bg SecurityStoreBackRoom
    with dissolve
    "As it happens, Betamax does have a couple of notable advantages over the arguably more popular VHS. The first is that it looks sharper."
    "The second, which is important to us, is that it's possible to rewind or fast-forward while the heads are still reading the tape, without distortion."
    "We've got a lot of tape to cover, even though we know what the date and time of the transaction were. We still need to go through about four tapes."
    "And finally...there he is."
    "I'm able to see, albeit rather blurrily, the item being purchased. It's a cigarette lighter in a cardboard-backed-plastic package, not unlike what you'd see holding a GI Joe figure."
    "The guy hands the clerk - Pinkerton, by the look of it - five bucks, gets a receipt, and leaves."
    "...Damn it! I didn't see his face!"
    "I grab the jog dial on the Beta player and roll the tape back just a little bit."
    "There's a little bit at the beginning of the transaction that I didn't catch earlier..."
    "Anderson decides to explain more things to me. In this case, a little behavioral quirk of Pinkerton's."
    "Whenever Pinkerton runs the register, he says, he has a habit of greeting his customers by telling them to smile for the camera and pointing to the camera above the counter."
    "It happened so quickly - because our customer didn't have much interest in the joke, I'd suppose - that I totally missed it when we were speeding through the footage."
    "Our man has a moustache that would make Tom Selleck envious, a mullet worthy of David Bowie, and probably the most comparatively dull shirt-and-tie ensemble this side of my high school economics teacher."
    "The footage is in black and white, but I can still tell that his hair is quite dark. I'd wager somewhere in the dark browns range, if not pure black."
    "There are a couple of frames in the footage where our guy is looking right at the camera, but the wide angle doesn't show much detail."
    "...Sometimes I wish I had one of those photo machines like in Blade Runner."
    b "Any chance I can borrow this tape?"
    an "Got $20 on you?"
    b "Sorry, no..."
    an "How 'bout a Betamax blank?"
    b "I don't tend to make it a habit of walking around shopping malls with blank video tapes, sorry."
    b "How about a print-out? Can you do that?"
    an "No way, man, you know how expensive those video printers are?"
    b "Uh...name me a ballpark figure."
    an "Like, Apple Macintosh expensive."
    b "Whoa...that pricey, huh..."
    an "Yeah, and we'd have to put money into an actual Macintosh along with it, too."
    b "Jesus...alright, well, I need some way to get a picture of this guy. Ideas? Maybe...uh...how about taking a Polaroid of the screen?"
    an "Don't got a Polaroid around here. Besides, these screens don't photograph that well. Comes out with these nasty lines running across the screen and you can't see anything."
    b "Well, crap, guess I'll need to wing it. Maybe I could get a sketch or...something..."
    "I start to pull my notebook from my jacket pocket, but Anderson holds up a hand to stop me."
    an "Actually..."
    "He starts digging through some filing cabinets underneath the security monitor, and comes out with a huge stack of tracing paper."
    an "Here, keep all of it. Just taking up space in here, and hell, not even Pinky's that much of an artist."
    "Neither am I, apparently..."
    # We'll need someone's shitty sketch of a gym teacher with a mullet. Maybe mine.
    "Somehow, though, I come up with something that bears at least a decent resemblence to the man in question."
    "Is it enough for Lilly to recognize, though? That's the important part. And I don't know the answer to that, yet."
    "After I thank Anderson and his partner, I decide it's finally time to get lunch. I've got this weird craving for roast beef."
    
    scene bg ApartmentHallway
    with dissolve
    "I get home in a bit over an hour. The mall's actually not that far from where I live, but the walk does tire me out."
    "From the bottom of the stairs in the hallway, I can hear a distinctive bell."
    "...Damn, my phone!"
    "I barrel up the stairs, probably making enough noise to make poor Artie think he's got a stampeding herd of buffalo in his building."
    
    scene bg BastionsOffice
    with dissolve
    "I catch the phone at the very last second."
    b "Crowley's office, what can--"
    l "Mr. Crowley! Thank god! I've been trying to get a hold of you all day and I don't know what to do I'm so confused--"
    b "Calm down."
    l "--and I'm scared and I shut all the windowblinds and I don't want to get the mail and--"
    b "Get a grip on yourself, lady!"
    l "Oh my god I'm so sorry!"
    b "Calm the hell down! You're starting to get {i}me{/i} in a panic!"
    "I hear a sharp noise from the other line. Lilly probably slapped herself."
    b "Feel better?"
    l "Yeah, thank you..."
    b "Sorry I yelled at you. Now what's the problem?"
    l "I need you to come over, as soon as you can. I got this letter and I really don't know what to do..."
    b "Letter? What's the letter about?"
    l "I don't know, I didn't open it. It's addressed to Mom and it's government-related..."
    b "The IRS, you think? They can be pretty scary."
    l "It doesn't say. It's from a P.O. box in DC."
    b "Well, for the love of...sigh...you called me for that? Just open the thing. I'm sure Mom will forgive you."
    l "I don't think I want to...isn't that illegal?"
    b "...rrrgh."
    "I really don't want to have to explain complicated federal law over the phone to a 15-year-old who just had a fit of panic."
    l "I still need you to come over though, I just have this really bad feeling."
    b "About what?"
    l "Whoever took Mom...do you think that they'll be after me next?"
    b "Hard to say."
    l "Alright, how about this, benefit of the doubt, you come over and pull a stakeout. I'm not taking chances here!"
    "I really do need to think about that. The last thing I need is more god damn walking today. My feet are killing me."
    "But then, I haven't taken my shoes off yet, so by that logic, I'm not technically home yet, and I could go walk some more. Especially if she's not that far from here."
    b "Fine. Where's your house?"
    l "Oh, silly me, I forgot to give you my address! Uh..."
    "She rattles off her street address quickly enough that I almost don't catch it, but it helps that she slows down and tells me which neighborhood it's in."
    "It's that gated community about an hour's walk away from my place."
    "But that's my kind of walk - a quick-ish one. I don't blame Lilly for preferring the bus."
    "Something just came to mind."
    "Gated community? Mother is a stage performer?"
    "I think this case is going to be a lot more lucrative than I expected..."
    "...oh, great. I think I just seriously thought about extorting heavy fees from her for this."
    "Well, the opposite isn't very comforting either - I might resist overcharging her so much that I might just do it free of charge."
    "Man, I promised Artie I'd get him his back rent..."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: outside gated community. Where the hell do I find one of those in Oregon?
    "Before I know it, I'm in front of the gate to the fancy, flashy, older-than-dirt (but you'd barely realize it) neighborhood."
    "I think I might have seen this place on {i}Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous{/i}."
    "A large, ornate stone sign reads, \"The Oaks at Arborday.\""
    "The gate is really an overly elaborate toll booth with two solid, mechanical gates attached to it. A lone operator, clad in tan uniform with matching ball cap, sits inside."
    "The operator - I hesitate to call him a guard - stops me before I'm even within five yards of him."
    "Guard" "Hold it right there! I've got a stun gun and I will use it!"
    "He brandishes a battery-powered cattle prod that looks like it just came out of its packaging."
    menu:
        "Uh-oh. I better be careful how I handle this one."
        "Hands behind my head, I ask the guard nicely to let me in.":
            b "Uh, I'm Mr. Crowley, I was asked to come to the Maxwell residence. May I please go through?"
            "It might sound out of character to you, but you don't take any chances when you're up against a guard with an instrument of pain."
            "Guard" "Which Maxwell?"
            b "What?"
            "Guard" "First name, please. I need to be sure you actually know them."
            menu:
                "This will take some deliberation. It'll look bad if I just tell him I'm here to see Lilly, but if I tell him I'm here to see Myrna, he might already know about Myrna's disappearance..."
                "Lilly Maxwell.":
                    b "I'm here to see Lilly Maxwell."
                    "Guard" "You must be one of those pedophiles 60 Minutes warned me about!"
                    b "What? No! I'm a private detective, Miss Maxwell is my client!"
                    "Guard" "Private dick, huh? Let's see some ID then!"
                    "I very slowly reach for my wallet and carefully produce the laminated investigator's license. He looks it over a few times, squints at it, holds it at various distances from his face, and finally bites the corner of it."
                    "Guard" "Alright, you're legit..."
                    "He almost seems disappointed. Probably because he didn't get to use his little toy. He does, however, get to push his buzzer."
                    jump Case2GuardAfter
                "Myrna Maxwell.":
                    b "I'm here to see Myrna Maxwell."
                    "Guard" "Hm...Ms. Maxwell doesn't usually take visitors. This is a surprise."
                    b "I must have done {i}something{/i} right, then..."
                    "Guard" "...Huh?"
                    "I said that out loud, didn't I?"
                    "The guard decides to ignore that little slip and press the button inside his booth."
                    jump Case2GuardAfter

        "I really doubt he plans on using that thing.":
            b "Put that thing away, you'll put someone's eye out. I'm here to visit the Maxwell residence."
            "...is what I {i}would{/i} tell him, if not for what comes next."
            "He exits his booth with such gusto that the swinging door nearly comes off its hinge and slams into one of the gates. His cattle prod is very obviously switched on as it connects with my stomach."
            # Screen flashes. Taser sounds go here.
            "My entire body seizes up. My arms, legs, and chest all become totally tense, and every thought in my head gives way to a steady {i}EEEEEEEEEE{/i}."
            "Eventually the guard removes the prod from my gut, and I collapse on the pavement, deciding not to move for a while."
            "I start to wonder why I got out of bed this morning."
    
            scene bg NullScene
            with dissolve
            # Scene: Sky.
            "The sky is a pretty color. I decide to rest beneath it, despite my body being in quite a lot of pain."
            "Everything fades out like the end of an old Western flick."
            "But then it fades back in, with a familiar face peering over me."
            "...It's that guard again, with the most worried expression a guy like him could manage."
            "Guard" "Hey, you alright?"
            b "Bn btr."
    
            scene bg NullScene
            with dissolve
            # Scene: gated community again.
            "That's my best attempt at \"been better\" - my teeth are still clenched shut."
            "Guard" "I called the Maxwells. I guess you're supposed to be here after all..."
            b "Thnkx."
            "Guard" "And for the record, I'm really sorry I hit you. Please don't sue me."
            "The thought is highly tempting, but I wouldn't be able to afford the lawyers' fees."
            "The guard helps me up and shoulders me over to the booth, where he presses a button through the window."
            jump Case2GuardAfter
    
label Case2GuardAfter:
    "The gate swings inward, accompanied by the surprisingly quiet sound of its electrical motor."
    "Guard" "Go on in. Her house is last on the left."
    # Scene: gated community streets.
    "I waltz right in, at the guard's behest."
    "It'd be a tired old cliché to say that I feel like I've been transported to a different time and place, but that's pretty much how I feel right now."
    "These houses seem entirely too nice to have just lying around in a city like this."
    "Some of them seem like they were built around the turn of the century, maybe even earlier."
    "Granted, there are some obvious retrofits going on."
    "One of these houses even has a rooftop observatory, looming over the rest of the two-story like a guard tower at a castle."
    "It only takes about five minutes of walking to get to the end of the street, where I see the Maxwell house as described by the gate guard."
    "Maxwell house? ...Wow, it's even cappuccino brown."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Maxwell house exterior.
    "It's a modest-looking house, at least it looks that way when it's situated across the street from two others that might as well be mansions."
    "Although most of Arborday consists of two and even three-story houses, the Maxwell residence is a pancake by comparison."
    "A knock at the door prompts some frightened-sounding crashes from inside. At first I wonder why it sounds so clear, but then I realize that the windows are open...but only a crack."
    "Compared to how frantic it sounds inside, the door opens slowly, carefully, almost as if its occupant expects something to explode in their face."
    "Lilly's face becomes visible through the doorway. It fades from its expression of horror into something a bit more relieved."
    l "Mr. Crowley! Get in here, quick!"
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Maxwell house interior. Nice place.
    "I do as I'm told, since as my grandmother used to say, You're lettin' the bought air out."
    "The Maxwell residence might not look like much from the outside, but inside is a whole different story. It almost feels like I've stepped into the 1950's."
    "There's memorabilia all over the place from the likes of the Smothers Brothers, the Three Stooges, Abbott and Costello, Laurel and Hardy, and the Marx Brothers."
    "Someone sure likes their vaudeville acts."
    "The carpet is a pleasant shade of royal blue that almost makes the house feel like it's upside-down and facing skyward."
    "I don't get much more chance to look around. Lilly hands me an important-looking envelope with a return address from the state capitol, addressed to Myrna Maxwell."
    l "What do I do? She needs to open that right away, and she's not here..."
    b "...You need to sit down, take a deep breath, get yourself a glass of...water...and just relax."
    b "I came all the way out here because I thought you might have received a ransom note or something."
    b "I notice that you haven't opened it yet, though. As an outsider, I will need your permission to crack this open."
    l "Do it! Come on!"
    "Jesus, I can feel her heart pounding from all the way over here."
    "Well, let's not waste any more time..."
    "...As expected, it's just typical government stuff."
    "Specifically, a political lobby to have President Reagan impeached."
    "Bah. They've done this to every single President since Truman, or so Mom tells me."
    "I know we have the right to oust a President from office, but this is kind of ridiculous. And it's certainly not a ransom letter, so my involvement stops at opening the envelope."
    "So as not to make this a wasted trip - because all that walking today has left my legs very, very sore - I pull out a piece of paper of my own."
    "Specifically, the sketch I took of the guy from A&P Security Store's camera feed."
    b "Miss Maxwell, I need you to concentrate right now. I'm going to show you a picture, and I want you to tell me if you think you remember a person that looks like the one in the sketch."
    l "O-okay."
    "She's still shaking a bit, but her face shows great resolve."
    "She looks the image over a bit and says nothing for the next fifteen seconds. Until..."
    l "...You know, this sketch is...well..."
    b "Someone you know?"
    l "Actually, I was about to say it looks kinda...crappy."
    b "Does your mother know that you swear?"
    l "It's not a swear, it's a harsh word."
    b "Seriously, though, does that look like someone you know?"
    l "...Yes. Someone at...school, I think? Damn it, why can't I remember?"
    "She raises a fist in frustration, as if to pound the nearby coffee table."
    b "Give it some time to stew."
    l "Yeah...okay..."
    b "In the meantime, we ought to discuss that stakeout you mentioned."
    l "Oh! Right!"
    "Almost sounds as if she had forgotten, for a brief moment."
    l "I'd sleep better at night knowing you were here to fight off anybody that tries to bust in here tonight."
    b "You're that positive that someone's going to break in?"
    "I remember what happened the last time someone called me to prevent a crime from being committed. It turned out I was being played for a sap."
    "With all due respect, though, I doubt Lilly is the kind of criminal mastermind that would bother pulling a gig like that."
    l "My room is in the basement, so there's only one way in there, and that's the door by the laundry room. I think that if you stayed here in the living room, you'd have a good vantage point."
    b "You seem pretty certain, like you know your way around a stakeout."
    l "Comes from a lot of Rockford Files."
    "Hmm. The lady has taste."
    b "Alright then. Well, I wasn't planning on going home anytime soon, so I guess I'll hang around and make sure the house doesn't get burglarized."
    b "I do have plans, tomorrow, so I'll be leaving in the morning."
    l "Dare I ask why?"
    b "Relax. I'm going back to the college. I need to talk to some people. The arts director, most of all, but there's some other things I forgot to look into last time."
    b "If they had a performer as famous as your mother on stage, they would need to have some security detail on her, first of all. I plan to ask who was on detail the night she disappeared, and why there was no alert, no authorities contacted that night."
    b "And I need to take another look in her dressing room. I get this feeling there's something I missed."
    l "Sounds fine by me. I'll want to be there when you're talking to the security people. I've got a bone to pick with them."
    "Oooh. This is going to be interesting. This could be my first time in a Good Cop, Bad Cop interrogation routine."
    "And judging from the way she's pounding a fist into her open hand, I'm pretty sure I'm not going to be the Bad Cop."
    "She retreats to her bedroom and locks the door from the inside."
    "Mom must trust her a lot to allow her to have a bedroom door that locks. My mom never allowed me that kind of luxury. She'd sooner accuse me of hiding porn under my bed."
    "I grab a seat on a nearby couch, one that faces the front picture window."
    # SFX: Leather seat being sat upon.
    "...."
    "Before I kick back and relax, though, I've got something important to do. Ruby would kill me if I forgot (again)."
    "I pick up the phone from its decorative base - first moving aside the replica Bat-Phone lid - and dial the number to Ruby's house."
    "Phone" "You've reached the answering machine of the Travaglia residence. We're not here. Leave a message, we'll see what happens."
    # SFX: Answering machine beep.
    "{b}*beep*{/b}"
    "But that's the way I would prefer it, in this case. It's less awkward to talk to her answering machine."
    b "Ruby, it's Bastion. I'm calling to let you know not to come pick me up tomorrow morning. I've got some things relating to this case that I need to work on."
    b "Really, though, keep your chin up, and if that rat-bastard keeps foisting his work on you, quit taking crap from him and call your boss. Stick up for yourself for once. Don't let--"
    # SFX: Answering machine beep.
    "{b}*beep*{/b}"
    "Damn answering machines never give you enough time."
    "Those mini-cassettes are supposed to hold up to 10 minutes of messages, so why do I only get 15 seconds?"
    "Oh well."
    "I flop down on the couch, keeping a close eye on that window."
    "Yawn..."
    "I stretch my arms out a bit. This day went on way too long."
    "It's getting difficult to concentrate. Another yawn escapes me."
    "I finally just lie down on the couch. It's much more comfortable than my aging bed back home. Fewer springs, at least."
    
    scene bg Black
    with dissolve
    "...."
    "Duuuuude."
    "Hey, pass that over here."
    l "Hey, wake up."
    "What are you doing here..."
    "...and what smells so good?"
    l "It's like almost nine, wake up."
    "How'd you get in here, Lilly? Wait, Madonna, where are you going..."
    # with flashbulb
    "{b}Boot!{/b}"
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # scene: Maxwell house interior.
    l "Get up, you've got a case to work!"
    b "Gaaahh...the hell?"
    l "You know you've been sleeping for almost half a day? I could hear you snoring from downstairs!"
    b "Why'd you do that? I was having the most amazing dream...Madonna was there and everything!"
    l "Madonna? Seriously? You still dream about Madonna?"
    b "It's a long-standing relationship. You should be proud of me for not breaking up with her."
    l "Weren't you supposed to be on stakeout?"
    b "Look, I'm sorry, yesterday was just a really long day."
    l "Well, it's not like anybody was going to break in, since you snored loud enough to make any would-be kidnappers think there was a Great Dane in the house."
    "She rolls her eyes and retreats to the kitchen, and I become aware of the smell of bacon."
    "At least {i}that{/i} wasn't a dream, unlike Madonna."
    l "Ah! Crap!"
    "There's some frantic-sounding crashes coming from the kitchen. The stove is switched off in a hurry, pans are quickly relocated to the sink, and it's only a few seconds before the smoke alarm starts going."
    "Something tells me this breakfast might be a little on the crispy side."
    "I finally shake the remnants of sleep from my head, albeit maybe a bit too vigorously, as my head spins a bit. Got up too fast again."
    l "Oh, you stupid bacon, why do you never fry right?!"
    b "Maybe you should have been paying attention to it instead of kicking me."
    l "Like you're one to talk! You should have been paying attention to the front window instead of falling asleep!"
    "The smoke alarm continues to squeal, even though there isn't really any smoke left in the kitchen. It must also be sensitive to Lilly's angry fuming."
    b "If it's any consolation, I'm pretty sure nothing happened."
    l "And how would you know that?"
    b "You're still here, right? I'm not dreaming it?"
    l "Oh, very funny. I'm sure you charge extra for a little courtesy, anyway."
    "She evacuates the darkened bacon from the skillet as she says this. As she's running cold water on the bottom of it, I once again realize that I have no idea how much my fee is."
    l "So, you hungry? We got bacon."
    b "...Not sure I'm very hungry, to be honest."
    l "Oh, of {i}course{/i}."
    "Those three words are dripping with sarcasm like that bacon's dripping with grease."
    l "Well, I better not hear any complaints later, then."
    b "Likewise. You want to put that much pure carbon in your diet, that's your prerogative."
    b "Me, I'll just stick with a drink, for now."
    "What's in the fridge..."
    "...White wine, red wine, sangria, whiskey...and half a gallon of orange juice."
    "I almost take my chances on the juice, but as I pop the top off, I smell a hint of vodka."
    "Someone sure likes their screwdrivers."
    "Guess I'll just have water, then."
    
    scene bg Black
    with dissolve
    "The rest of breakfast is spent in grudging silence. When I get ready to go, Lilly tags along, not saying much."
    
    scene bg CityBus
    with dissolve
    "Not much happens on the bus ride, either. It seems like my magic number is 8:45, as that's the time of the morning where there's absolutely nobody on the bus to the college campus."
    
    scene bg PSECCBusStop
    with dissolve
    "Two hours later, we both find ourselves at the PSECCCC. In case you forgot, that stands for Pacific Southeast Community College Civic Center."
    "God, what a mouthful."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: PSECCCC lobby.
    "Our journey takes us not to the auditorium itself, but the front desk. Despite there being no show in the works and no rehearsals, a receptionist is still stationed at the front, dealing a hand of poker to herself."
    "How exactly one plays poker by oneself, I'll never know. I interrupt her as she tries to deal herself a card from the bottom of the deck."
    b "Excuse me...I'm Bastion Crowley, private investigation. I need to speak to the director of the Arts Department."
    "I flash my investigator's license from the window of my wallet. Feels like I'm actually a cast member of Dragnet."
    "Receptionist" "Of course, his office is right behind mine. He'll need to buzz you in. One moment."
    "She doesn't even look at my wallet as she presses the intercom button on her desk phone with a pencil, being quite careful with her (fake) fingernails."
    "Receptionist" "Sir, a private detective by the name of Crowley is here to see you."
    dir "Yes, yes, send him in."
    "A buzzing noise begins to sound. It's loud enough to be startling, but the lady at the desk is completely unfazed."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: PSECCCC director's office.
    "The director's office is a bit spartan. There's one bookshelf, of the cinderblocks-and-plywood variety, with just ten books on it. Most of them are complete works of famous playwrights."
    "His desk is about the only valuable-looking thing here. Mahogany, if I had to venture a guess."
    "He looks like he's reading over a page of Waiting for Godot. He peers upwards at me with a familiar-looking scowl."
    "Starting to wonder if he's related to someone I met recently."
    dir "Well?"
    b "You're probably aware of the incident that occured at this auditorium about two weeks ago, am I correct?"
    dir "Yes, with the disappearing act? Certainly made things easier on the Arts Department. Can't get in touch with the talent, can't send them their payment. Can't send payment, no actual payment is made, if you get my meaning."
    b "You do realize, don't you, that what you've just said has the possibility of painting you as a suspect."
    dir "Suspect? For what? Didn't that woman vanish of her own accord?"
    b "Seems you haven't heard the latest version of the story then...two weeks ago, Myrna Maxwell was abducted from her dressing room. This is her daughter."
    "I gesture towards Lilly, who is browsing the rather limited selection of literature."
    dir "Oh yes, Myrna Maxwell. You know, I was none too keen to let her on campus."
    "Lilly glances his way and puts on an offended expression."
    b "Why was that?"
    dir "She's got a reputation, that woman. I didn't want her doing that...{i}filth{/i}...on my stage."
    "I'd need to get more information about that later...preferably not from him. He's obviously biased. His testimony would be clouded by his obvious distaste towards her."
    b "I'm here to ask you if you had any security detail placed on Mrs. Maxwell's dressing room, or if you noticed anybody else do the same."
    dir "I did. I'm not stupid, you know. I realize Myrna Maxwell is a celebrity, but the Arts Department simply doesn't have the budget to hire professional security guards."
    b "Implying that whoever you hired...{i}wasn't{/i} professional?"
    dir "I selected two students to be in charge of Maxwell's security detail."
    b "I notice you didn't say you {i}hired{/i} them?"
    dir "They accepted my non-paying terms when they learned who they would be protecting."
    "Great! Sounds dubious. Better get their names..."
    b "Could you tell me the names of the two students you placed on detail?"
    dir "I can do you one better, Mr. Crowley. If you would please follow me."
    "He brings both of us halfway across the campus, past the library, the dormitories, and the cafeteria and right off the block."
    
    scene bg PSECCFratHouseExterior
    with dissolve
    "We cross the street into a line of houses, some a bit more rickety-looking than others."
    "The director starts walking up the yard to a beige two-story house with burgundy trim. A sign above the door has three Greek symbols on it - Theta, Theta, Theta."
    "I can only wonder if their security detail is anywhere as ramshackle as their originality and knowledge of the Greek alphabet."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Frat house bunk room.
    "We haven't stopped moving quite yet. The director strides clear past the common room and kitchen, up the stairs, past a bathroom and what looks like a broom cupboard (it's making some suspicious knocking noises inside, but I pay these no mind) and into a bedroom."
    "The room seems pretty empty as far as personal decorations go, but most of the space is taken up by the six sets of bunk beds."
    "Its only current occupants are two guys sharing one bunk bed. On the top is an older guy, lying atop the covers and wearing a denim vest, baseball tee, cut-off jeans, and a red baseball cap turned backwards."
    "The bottom bunk bears a younger guy, probably second-year, with thick-rimmed glasses that must be compensating for some really serious nearsightedness, a black turtleneck sweater that wouldn't look out of place on Sean Connery, and khaki slacks."
    dir "These are the two boys that did security detail two weeks ago. Martin Pulaski and Timothy Haacke."
    "He points to each person as he says their name. His involvement ended, the director saunters out of the room and back toward his office."
    b "Pulaski and Haacke?"
    "Pulaski sits up from his bed, nearly hitting his head on the ceiling. Haacke puts down his copy of Debate Mastery after carefully marking his place."
    mp "Dude, call me Marty, everyone does."
    th "Tim is fine. What's this about?"
    b "My name's Bastion Crowley; I'm a private detective. I'm here about an incident from two weeks ago. I need to ask you both some questions about when you were running security on Myrna Maxwell."
    mp "Happy to help, dude. Whatcha need?"
    b "I'd like to start by getting some background on the both of you...starting with you, Marty. Why would the Arts Director pick you for the security job?"
    mp "I'm a soccer player. I play goalkeeper for the college team, the Pacific Pandas. I do a lot of guarding in my line of work, so I figured I'd be perfect for the job."
    b "And you, Tim?"
    th "I'm the president of the PSECC Science Club, I help run the computer lab, and I'm a member of the debate team. My guess is I only got picked because nobody else wanted the job, but really, I didn't think I'd be that bad at it."
    b "Would either of you mind following me to the auditorium? This might be easier there."
    
    scene bg PSECCFratHouseExterior
    with dissolve
    "They both nod and tag along. Tim remains silent most of the time, but Marty can't restrain himself from trying to chat up Lilly."
    "This comes to a quick halt when she threatens to slap him."
    "Bad idea to ask a woman her age."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: PSECCCC dressing room exterior.
    "Soon enough, we're all the way back at the dressing room. The name on the door is gone, but a quick peek inside reveals that the place has otherwise remained untouched - even though, I recall, I left the door unlocked a few days back."
    "We don't go inside just yet, though."
    b "We'll start with you, Marty."
    "He seems like he'd be the easier of the two to get an answer from."
    b "Could you show me where exactly you were standing, the night of the performance?"
    mp "Sure, dude, that's easy."
    "Marty begins marching like an extra in a World War II flick and stands just to my right by the door."
    b "Tim, could you do the same?"
    "He stands on the left side of the door. I take note of the door's positioning - if this door were to open, it would go right in Tim's face."
    "I attempt to open the door, instructing both students not to move. Hmm - the door comes to a stop just before 90 degrees. It's impossible to get it to swing out any farther."
    "Tim is untouched, though he winces as the door comes near."
    b "Were you paid at all for your services?"
    mp "Nope! But I didn't really care."
    "I remembered the director's testimony - he said that both of the boys accepted his non-paying terms once they learned who their celebrity was."
    b "Why didn't you care that you weren't being paid?"
    mp "Dude, do you even know who Myrna Maxwell {i}is{/i}?"
    b "Famous actor?"
    mp "Not just any actor, dude. Check it out!"
    "Marty pulls the wallet from the rear pocket of his cut-off jeans and extends the fold-out photograph holder. There's a small picture of a woman who looks like she could be Lilly's mother..."
    "...the most obvious thing about her being the fact that she is almost completely naked."
    b "O...kay..."
    b "Miss Maxwell, were you, by any chance, planning to tell me about this?"
    "She has to come around the door - which still hasn't shut; I must have accidentally locked it in the open position - to see what it is I'm talking about."
    "I can tell when she's made eye contact with the photograph, because she almost instantaneously turns a brilliant shade of pink."
    l "I...uh...oh my God, I...really didn't think you needed to know!"
    mp "She's a porn star, dude!"
    b "Thank you, Mr. Pulaski, would you please put that away?"
    "He does so. He seems a bit disappointed."
    mp "Why you gotta be such a prude, man?"
    b "Now, more to the point, you decided to accept the security posting because you knew of Mrs. Maxwell's profession?"
    mp "Yeah, man, you never pass up a chance to meet your heroes."
    th "That's right."
    b "Oh great, you're in on that, too?"
    mp "Whoa! Dude! I didn't know you were into that stuff!"
    "Tim coughs loudly and looks away, but the look in his eyes indicates, \"No shit, Sherlock.\""
    b "Yes, that's fascinating. Next question: did anybody other than Myrna Maxwell enter or exit this dressing room before or after her performance?"
    mp "There was this one guy, but he came right back out after five minutes, and nobody was with him."
    "Tim just nods, not saying anything."
    "I reach for the sheet of tracing paper in my coat pocket. Since I folded it, it looks a bit crappy, but the face I sketched still looks alright."
    b "Did the person look anything like this?"
    mp "Y'know, dude, I would think I'd remember if I saw someone sketchy like that..."
    "Oh, ha ha, that's fucking hilarious."
    "I hand the paper to Tim. He studies it hard."
    "Eventually he just shakes his head, giving the paper back to me."
    "Great. So Lilly recognizes him but doesn't know from where, Tim doesn't recognize him at all, and Marty just wants to make jokes about my art skills."
    b "Tim, where were you posted on the night of the incident?"
    th "Just...right next to him, why?"
    "I might not be a poker player, but you don't need to be one to tell when this kid's trying to lie."
    "His tell is extremely obvious - not only do his cheeks turn red, he also raises his arm to scratch the back of his head, and he breaks eye contact."
    b "For a debate team member, you aren't very good at this."
    th "Hey, shut up! Why is it even important that I remember where I was standing?"
    b "Because I'm trying to reconstruct the night of the incident. I need to see if every angle of egress is covered."
    "Ah, those vocab courses are coming in handy again. Egress...love that word."
    "But all the rest of that stuff? Pretty sure I heard it on an episode of ADAM-12, or Columbo."
    th "The both of us were standing on either side of this door. One guy went into the dressing room, and after five minutes he came out."
    th "Is that really so hard?"
    b "You believe your own bullshit, kid?"
    "Interrogation 101. Find their emotional triggers and play them for all they're worth."
    th "It's NOT bullshit, and I'm not a kid!"
    "...I'm not really that much older than he is - he looks 19, and I'm barely 25. I mainly pull the kid moniker because I know it'll piss him off."
    b "If he really just went in and came out, what happened to Myrna Maxwell?"
    th "I...uh...I mean..."
    b "Quit it with the John Law act. You got awful silent when Marty showed me his photo."
    th "There are things better than photos."
    mp "Yeah, dude, he's right!"
    b "You're not helping, Marty. Tim, what are you going on about?"
    th "Why should I have a little wallet-sized photo when I could see the real deal?"
    b "You're a...fan...of Mrs. Maxwell?"
    th "Alright, I'll tell you why I took this job. Because I'd be guarding a former porn star. You ever see Blade Runner?"
    b "You got taste, kid..."
    th "Yeah, skip it, mister. You remember that scene where Harrison Ford is in that stripper's dressing room and he says he's checking for peep holes?"
    "I just sorta nod. It'd be too awkward to admit it out loud with a girl in the room...speaking of which, Lilly is again turning a funny shade of red..."
    th "I kind of did the opposite of that...I'll show you."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: dressing room interior.
    "He leads me into the dressing room and in front of the vanity mirror. The light bulbs are still on, and as before, there are a number of them that are completely dead."
    "Tim reaches for one bulb towards the bottom-center of the vanity and twists it to the right. It blinks to life."
    "Ah, the old loose bulb trick."
    "With that light on, I notice something that I'd previously missed - the mirror doesn't seem to be completely solid. There's a small eye hole in the mirror, about level with my stomach."
    th "Over here."
    "He rummages through the small closet and pushes out a false wall. With as badly as the paint clashed on that, I'm amazed I didn't notice that there last time..."
    "Maybe my mind was too occupied with keeping Lilly calm."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Inside the false wall.
    "Tim squeezes through the gap in the wall, leading to a small space where at least one person can sit comfortably. There's even a stool here - it matches the one at the vanity. Tim probably stole it from another dressing room."
    "And the little hole seems an awful lot larger from here."
    "I take a peep through - the field of view from this little hole is actually quite impressive, if not for the light bulb glaring right in my eye."
    "Maybe that's why Tim loosened the bulb...with a side effect being that with less lighting, the hole in the mirror was less noticeable from the reflective side."
    b "Did you put this whole thing together?"
    th "Just the stool. I grabbed that from the room."
    b "You're sure?"
    th "This hole in the wall was definitely here before I was around."
    b "And your reason for using it?"
    th "Extended, internal security."
    b "Then why didn't you see anything happen to Myrna?"
    th "...."
    b "This is vital to the case. You know that by remaining quiet, you're impeding the investigation."
    th "Alright, already...I'll tell you why I used it."
    b "I'm listening."
    th "I...wanted to see her boobs. Like, in person."
    b "So this whole thing was you acting out a {i}Revenge of the Nerds{/i} fantasy?"
    th "And I...did...see something."
    mp "Duuuude! Why didn't you tell me?"
    b "Shut it, you."
    th "I did get to see Myrna Maxwell in a state of undress...but not for long."
    th "She wasn't facing the right direction, most of the time. She looked like she was talking to someone. Didn't get a good look at the guy."
    b "The same someone that Marty says came in to the dressing room?"
    th "I would think so. After a while, there was a bit of a struggle...and I think I saw Myrna get carried off."
    b "Carried off? What, out the door?"
    mp "No, I swear to God, dude, when the guy came out of the room, there wasn't anybody with him!"
    th "Here's the weird thing - she wasn't going the right direction to get out the door."
    th "The only thing that's the other way is the emergency exit door."
    "Emergency...oh, god dammit, why didn't I look at the door?"
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: dressing room interior.
    "I step out of the secret hole and glance off to my right."
    "There's an emergency exit door there, of course."
    "I'm starting to wonder if I need glasses. Or maybe this is why I always see Sherlock Holmes with a magnifying glass that never leaves his hand."
    "Or, perhaps, I see so many emergency exits every day that I rarely tend to acknowledge their presence."
    "The exit door is quite obviously closed."
    "I give the push-handle a sharp kick."
    "...It opens, of course, but there's an important thing that doesn't happen."
    "There's no alarm going off."
    "A quick peek out the door shows that this door empties out into the alleyway that goes between the Auditorium and the Music Building."
    "It's...just wide enough that someone could drive a large vehicle in here. Probably meant for fire engines, so it's wide enough that you could easily pull a van in here."
    "That's probably how our guy got Myrna out of here without arousing Marty's suspicion (though, by his admission, he'd probably be busy being aroused by something else)."
    "My train of thought is again derailed, this time by an unearthly scream, followed by a thud, followed by a crash."
    "I quickly wheel around to find that the coat rack has fallen. Underneath said coat rack is Tim Haacke, and on top of him is a very angry Lilly Maxwell."
    l "You stupid horny motherfucker!"
    th "*cough* *gack*!"
    "She's got him by the throat. That doesn't look comfortable."
    l "You're a disgrace! Why didn't you do anything? {i}Why didn't you stop him{/i}?"
    "I've watched this long enough. I snag the back of Lilly's T-shirt and yank her backwards from her target."
    b "Look. I don't like this any more than you do, but if it wasn't for this...*ahem*...upstanding individual, we wouldn't have the clue we just got."
    b "So my advice to you is to take it as a blessing in disguise and quit strangling my witnesses."
    "She doesn't seem to be happy to hear it, but she does quit thrashing, so I let her go next to Marty."
    "Now, where was I..."
    b "So our kidnapper incapacitated Mrs. Maxwell via chloroform, dragged her out the emergency exit door, then went back inside and left through the regular door."
    b "Tim, why the hell didn't you try to stop him?"
    th "I...panicked...had to close up my hole, didn't want to get found out."
    b "So that makes you nearly as bad as the person that kidnapped her."
    th "N-no! I swear, I was--"
    b "Look, forget it. We've got a lot of new information, regardless..."
    l "But we're still not any closer to figuring out who this guy is."
    b "There's something I noticed while I was out there. There's a security camera pointed right at the door."
    l "So maybe..."
    b "Marty, Tim, is there a security office on campus? Somewhere I could look at the video tape from that camera?"
    mp "Yeah, check the Admin Building. If it's not there, someone could probably show you where."
    b "You've both been a great help."
    "Though one of you really needs to learn not to hide crucial information."
    "Tim is going to be a real riot in court."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Admin building. Could probably just get a shot of PCC Building 9 if there aren't too many flatpanel monitors in view.
    "The Admin Building is right smack dab in the middle of the campus."
    "A little asking around - and a couple flashes of my investigator's license - gets the four of us into the security office. There's not a lot of room for all of us, so I ask Marty to stand outside. He wouldn't be useful right now anyway."
    "You know, I sure am rifling through a lot of security tapes this week."
    "Thankfully, the entire security staff - three people - are there to help browse through it. One of them is helpful enough to show me which screen corresponds to the camera in the auditorium back alley."
    "We find our guy within 10 minutes. It's a lot easier to search through footage when 95%% of the tapes, by their very nature, have absolutely nothing happening in them."
    "And here we are. Just on the day of Myrna's performance, the tape shows a vehicle pulling up beside the door."
    "The camera isn't pointed in the right direction to see a license plate..."
    "...and since it's not in color, I can't tell what color it is, either. Thankfully, it's at least a pretty distinctive make - a Volkswagen Bug."
    l "Oh my god!"
    b "What? Something finally clicking in there?"
    "She socks me in the arm. What? I think she deserved a little good-natured joking, for all I've had to go through."
    l "That car! See that car?"
    b "What about it?"
    l "I know who owns a car like that...my gym teacher, Mr. Tanner!"
    b "It's just a car, though, unless you mean to accuse Mr. Tanner of the kidnapping."
    l "...It makes so much sense! The guy was always creeping on her whenever she'd be waiting to pick me up from school..."
    "I almost start to wonder if this wasn't a kidnapping. The strange theory does strike me that maybe Mr. Tanner's feelings for Myrna were mutual. Maybe she left of her own free will and locked up on the way out."
    "...But then I remember why I'm here."
    "I'm here to figure out why Myrna would disappear without contacting her only daughter, despite setting up a day to meet her for the first time in a number of days."
    "But more specifically, I'm here in this security room to figure out why the emergency exit door from Myrna's dressing room was opened."
    "The presence of this car in the back alley is enough to convince Lilly of the suspect's identity."
    "And there's our man in the mullet again, dragging a woman in a gym training outfit to the car. That is definitely Myrna."
    "The man doesn't bother with the trunk. I doubt he'd fit a lady like Myrna in there, anyway - going by the picture Marty showed me earlier, I bet her breasts would get in the way, if her huge hairdo didn't block it up first."
    "For some reason, I linger on that last thought before Lilly snaps me back to reality."
    l "What are we waiting for, Mr. Crowley? We've got a gym teacher to catch!"
    "She's got this almost murderous grin on her face. Well, maybe not murderous, but it does speak volumes about what she'll probably do when she gets her hands on the guy."
    "Before we leave, though, I make sure to ask the security staff if I can borrow the tape for evidence. They hand it over without much convincing."
    "It's a VHS tape. Extended play, naturally, and I have no idea why I'm paying that much attention to that. It's the crucial evidence I need to pin this case down, not something to nerd out over."
    "I thank the security folks for their time, tell Tim and Marty to get back to whatever it was they were doing, and with Lilly in tow, I make a beeline for the nearest bus stop."
    
    scene bg CityBus
    with dissolve
    "Our next destination is 30 agonizing minutes away. Pacific Highlands High School."
    "The bus only carries a few other people besides us. I catch a heavy whiff of garlic from one of them, despite being all the way across the bus from them."
    "My brain is playing that dramatic police chase music like you'd hear on ADAM-12."
    "What else would I be doing while I wait? These buses take forever."
    "It's a school day. I'm amazed Lilly isn't in class, but I suppose family emergency probably counts for what's happening here."
    "Then again, well, I did just spend the night at her house, having told her that I'd need her today."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # scene: PHHS parking lot. (PCC parking may work; find a set of cars that doesn't look new!)
    "Something is conspicuously missing as we reach the bus stop, which is just across the street from the school's faculty parking lot."
    "Of the 50-some parking spaces, almost all of them are filled, but of the occupying cars, I see neither hide nor hair of the VW."
    "I almost think I've seen it, but Lilly points out that it's an old DeSoto."
    "Lord only knows how I could make that mistake."
    "The fact that Mr. Tanner's car isn't here would certainly fit in line with the idea of him being on the lam."
    "Which means we'd better pick up the tail pretty quick."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # scene: PHHS staff office.
    "With no time to waste, Lilly and I jog through the front doors and into the staff office."
    b "Excuse me!"
    "A 60-something lady with a beehive hairdo suddenly appears at the desk in front of me."
    "Receptionist" "Yes, how may I help?"
    b "I need to locate Mr. Tanner. Did he come to work today?"
    "Receptionist" "No, he has been out sick for the last two weeks."
    "Two weeks, huh...awfully coincidental."
    b "Did Mr. Tanner give any information as to his planned whereabouts?"
    "Receptionist" "No, but I can't imagine he would be going anywhere if he's sick, sir."
    b "Do you have his home address, or a phone number?"
    "Receptionist" "I'm sorry, sir, but I'm not authorized to give out the personal details of our staff."
    "I dig out the ID again. I'm honestly starting to not like doing that..."
    b "I am a private investigator looking into Mr. Tanner as a potential suspect. I would like you to please give me Mr. Tanner's--"
    "I barely get past the bit about being a private eye before the receptionist lets out the girliest noise possible."
    "Receptionist" "A P.I.? Like Tom Selleck on TV? Ooh, or Columbo?"
    b "Columbo was a police detective, ma'am, not a private eye."
    "She doesn't listen. She just starts quoting her favorite TV shows at me."
    "Receptionist" "Ya see, dere was just one more ting..."
    "That has to be the worst Peter Falk impersonation I've ever heard."
    b "Look, I need to know where Mr. Tanner lives."
    "I get nothing out of her beyond more horribly butchered Columbo quotes."
    b "Is there anybody else I can talk to here?"
    "No response. This lady is the only person here."
    b "God DAMN it!"
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # scene: PHHS hallways
    "I leave the receptionist in her fan-girl haze and drag Lilly out of the office door."
    "There it is, the fabled brick wall. Every detective meets one at some point. When there are no leads, no witnesses, no clues...all that remains is the wall."
    "It's just now between class periods, so the crowds are starting to form through the corridors."
    b "You better get to class."
    "I take my leave of the school, leaving Lilly there."
    "Her facial expression indicates that she regrets the decision."
    l "You're not leaving me here! We're so close to catching this...this {i}asshole{/i}, and I'm not quitting!"
    b "I'm going to the police."
    l "You're a dumbass!"
    "Far from it, kid."
    "This is probably the most intelligent move I've made since getting my license."
    
    scene bg PoliceStation
    with dissolve
    "That damn written test comes to mind again, naturally."
    "I've got clear evidence that suggests that this Mr. Tanner is the one responsible for taking Myrna Maxwell."
    "But I can't figure out where the hell he is...so who could? The police, of course!"
    "Lilly must want this thing taken care of pretty bad, because she follows me all the way back to my office."
    "I'm not here for long. Just need to grab a bag and throw my evidence into it."
    "I make sure I've still got my notebook, too."
    "That taken care of, its off to the police station."
    "I've been here once before, under less than truthful pretenses. I don't imagine they remember me here, though."
    "There are two cops sitting in the chairs in the waiting area. It's the typical buddy-cop ensemble, really...there's a tall, thin one and a shorter, plumper guy. I'd bet you anything the tall one's the smarter one, even."
    ofc "Hey, it's that guy!"
    ofm "Which guy?"
    ofc "You know, {i}that{/i} guy!"
    ofm "You got lots of 'that guys', Carl!"
    ofc "You know the guy, the one that helped with the museum racket?"
    ofm "What, the guy that makes Chuck E. Cheese tokens?"
    ofc "No, the guy that burgled himself for the insurance money."
    ofm "Hey, uh...guy!"
    "He's waving in my direction."
    ofc "You idiot! He's got a name!"
    ofm "Well you never told me what it was!"
    b "*cough*"
    "I draw attention to my P.I.'s license."
    b "Excuse me, officers, I need to get in touch with Missing Persons."
    ofm "Oh. Well, uh, we're on lunch, so uh, talk to the sarge."
    ofc "Lunch? You idiot, you ate three hours ago!"
    ofm "But we were on duty! It wasn't lunch time yet!"
    ofc "You got ketchup on your uniform shirt, by the way."
    ofm "Oh. Hmm..."
    "He samples it with a finger and gives it a taste."
    ofm "Uh...that ain't ketchup."
    "I give these two their space and make my way to the desk sergeant."
    "Must be a relatively crime-free day, judging from the way he's delicately moving his pencils around. He's even got a little teepee made of memo pads."
    "Desk Sergeant" "Oh! Uh...what can I do for you?"
    b "Name's Bastion Crowley, private investigation. I have vital information and evidence regarding a Missing Persons case...Myrna Maxwell?"
    "Desk Sergeant" "Now {i}there's{/i} a name I never thought I'd hear on duty, heh."
    b "Who's in charge of the case?"
    "Desk Sergeant" "Uh, if I remember right that's Detective Standish. He's probably in his office."
    "Desk Sergeant" "Oy, Carl!"
    ofc "Sir!"
    "Desk Sergeant" "Show Mr. Crowley to Detective Standish's office, would you?"
    ofc "Yessir!"
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Standish's office, exterior. Find a blank hallway with a solid-looking door.
    "Lilly and I follow the officer named Carl up two flights of stairs, through a hallway full of interrogation rooms, and up to the end of a hallway. There's a solid iron door at the end of the hall."
    "It probably used to be one of the interrogation rooms. A sign on the door reads, Missing Persons."
    "The cop knocks twice and opens the heavy door for me, bowing and gesturing for the both of us to enter."
    st "Who dares disturb my slumber?!"
    ofc "I-I do, sir! A private detective, Mr. Crowley, to see you, sir!"
    st "Well dammit, knock first, will ya?"
    ofc "I did, sir!"
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Standish's office, interior. Looks like an interrogation room if not for the typewriter.
    st "Sigh..."
    st "Alright...you there, state your business. I got a nap to get back to."
    b "You're running a case regarding the present whereabouts of Myrna Maxwell, right?"
    st "What, you have something for me?"
    b "A few things, actually."
    "My bag of evidence - actually an old Ralph's bag - is placed on the table with all the finesse of a sock full of pennies."
    b "I've been doing some investigating myself, at the request of Miss Lilly Maxwell, here."
    st "Investigating? Got a license for that?"
    "Good thing I got this stupid card...getting to be kind of tiresome to show it all the time."
    b "Now. As I was saying, I was looking into the disappearance of Myrna Maxwell, starting from the community college's civic center. I bring your attention to exhibit A..."
    "I fish out the little plastic sandwich bag."
    b "This is a feather boa, worn by the disappeared--"
    st "'The disappeared'? Who the hell talks like that?"
    b "Says the guy that greeted us with 'Who dares disturb my slumber'?"
    st "Why, I oughta--"
    b "You want this evidence or not?"
    st "Fine. Go on."
    b "This feather boa was found in Myrna Maxwell's dressing room, approximately two weeks after her disappearance. Now, I don't have a crime lab or anything like that, but I believe there are traces of chloroform on it."
    b "Now, I shouldn't have to tell you that chloroform tends to be used in kidnappings. Therefore, I suspect Myrna Maxwell disappeared by no will of her own."
    st "There you go again with the fancy talk!"
    b "Look, shut up and let me present the stuff, alright? For all the effort I put into this, we might as well get somewhere with it."
    st "Alright, alright, Jesus Christ on a crutch! Get on with it then!"
    b "Thank you, Detective."
    b "Item number two, then..."
    st "You called the last one 'Exhibit A', you know, so don't you mean that this is Exhibit B?"
    "I give him my best attempt at a death glare."
    st "Alright, I give up. Show me the thing."
    b "Our second item is a security tape from PSECC's security office. This tape contains footage of our victim being dragged out of an emergency exit on campus and placed into the passenger seat of his car."
    b "I see you've got a video player here...do you mind?"
    st "Just pull the tape out of it and hand it to me first."
    "I eject the cassette from the player and catch a quick glimpse of the label. Officer Terence on the Crapper."
    "...Is this really the professionalism of the PSEPD at work?"
    "I shouldn't linger on that. I quickly pop in the tape, which I carefully rewound to the proper point. Sure enough, his TV screen shows my suspect, Malcolm Tanner, dragging a woman out the exit door and stuffing her in his car."
    b "I looked into the man in this video and found him to be a gym teacher at the local high school by the name of Mr. Tanner."
    b "And this girl here...while she did not witness the crime in progress, I assure you that she will be able to identify the suspect."
    "Lilly just gives a quick nod, saying nothing."
    b "I also have written - and signed - testimonies of the two college students who were handling security detail the night of her disappearance. One of them directly witnessed the crime."
    st "Alright. But I can't imagine you're here because you caught the guy, am I right?"
    b "That's right, Detective. The one thing I'm unable to find...is the suspect himself."
    st "Okay then, tell ya what. I'll have tech services dig up a profile on this Mr. Tanner and we can put out an APB on the car. Once the guys and I have verified your sources and picked the guy up, we'll get back in touch with you."
    st "Until then, this case has become the jurisdiction of the Pacific Southeast Police Department alone, you get me?"
    b "Crystal clear, detective. Need me for anything else?"
    st "Nope. Get outta here. We'll take care of the girl."
    b "Right."
    "I make for the door. Lilly seems unpleased at my leaving her all of a sudden, but then, I didn't exactly ask her to be here."
    l "Wait, Detective, Mr. Crowley did most of the legwork on this case...you're going to keep him in the loop, aren't you?"
    st "Can't. Regulations."
    l "He did so much to help and you're just going to cut him loose?"
    st "He ain't exactly complaining, is he?"
    b "Nope."
    l "But..."
    st "Unless you want to take this up with the Captain, that's the way it's gonna be, missy."
    b "Fine by me."
    l "Mr. Crowley!"
    l "Bastion!"
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Standish's office exterior.
    "The sound of the iron door shutting on my way out has something of a finality to it."
    "So I'm getting cut loose. We'll see what happens in the future, but this case is now officially no longer my problem."
    "Well, except for the fact that I never did get Lilly to agree on a fee rate."
    "I'll see about that later, honestly. I'd feel like a scumbag to push it now."
    "I'm headed home, in the mean time."
    
    scene bg Black
    with dissolve
    "...."
    
    scene bg Tandy
    with dissolve
    "A couple of days pass, with nothing happening of note. Ruby calls me at the office and tells me that Albert went on a business trip, so she won't be needing me for a couple of days."
    "I don't have much to do, so I'm stuck back at the office, playing this stupid blackjack game on my Tandy."
    "I swear, the dealer cheats at this thing."
    "Actually, I could swear that this code isn't random at all."
    "Seems like...he deals himself an ace of spades and a jack of clubs, every single time."
    "Whereas I...don't even get the chance to play, because he's showing the jack and instantly wins the blackjack."
    "Should have guessed. The code is only about 50 lines, and there's not a single random function in here."
    "Hmm. Could it be, I'm actually learning something about computer programming by copying all of this stuff?"
    "...Naaah. I really doubt it."
    "Still don't know what the difference is between GO and GOSUB, anyway."
    "I haven't quite finished that thought before there's a knock at the door."
    "I'm not expecting anybody today...maybe it's Artie, demanding his rent."
    l "It's me, let me in!"
    "Well, that's unexpected."
    
    scene bg BastionsOffice
    with dissolve
    b "It's open!"
    "The door pops right open, revealing Lilly yet again."
    b "I didn't think you'd be coming back..."
    "She's digging through a purse that I've never seen her with."
    "...Wait a sec. I have seen that purse before, now that I think of it."
    l "I don't want you to go uncompensated, Mr. Crowley, but I don't exactly have a lot of money to pay your fee..."
    "It dawns on me where she got the purse - Myrna had it lying on the coffee table at her house."
    b "So you're borrowing money from your mom?"
    l "I'm sure she won't mind. She's that kind of person."
    b "Well, I suppose that's better than the alternative."
    l "What's that?"
    b "Uh...you don't want me to tell you. Trust me. {i}I{/i} don't want me to tell you."
    "She gives me a disgusted expression as she pulls out a huge wad of bills and starts counting through it, before giving up and just handing the whole thing to me."
    "One hundred...two hundred..."
    "...FIVE hundred dollars? It's even broken into twenties!"
    "With this kind of money, I could..."
    "...No. Business first."
    b "I'd better make out a receipt."
    l "No, no need."
    b "I at least need to keep track of this. This is taxable income, you know."
    l "Alright, alright..."
    "I rip a blank page out of my notebook and fill it out."
    "I wasn't really keeping track of expenses, I come to realize, so I fudge the numbers a bit."
    "Five hundred dollars...we'll say twenty of that is travel expenses, another twenty under misc...then uh..."
    "I fire up the calculator on my Tandy and crunch the numbers a bit..."
    "77 dollars a day, it feels like. Eh, close enough."
    "I take some time copying all of that from the notebook page to another page in a different notebook, for my own records, and then hand the scrap to her."
    l "Pleasure doing business with you."
    b "Wait, Lilly."
    "All this time addressing her as Miss Maxwell, it feels wrong to call her by her first name."
    l "Yes?"
    b "How are the police doing with the case?"
    l "I'm not allowed to talk about it until the trial."
    b "Trial? Then that must mean..."
    "She looks like she wants to give me a hug, but at least has the restraint not to."
    l "They found her."
    "We finally exchange a handshake and a silent goodbye before she heads for the door, but she stops halfway through."
    "An awkward silence. Then she finally leaves, looking like she wants to say something, but can't."
    "It's hard for her, I can tell. But I'm not going to pursue her right now."
    "Part of me feels a bit inadequate. Even though I'm the one that found most of the evidence, and even pinned it on a suspect, the police were the ones that eventually nabbed him and saved the girl."
    "Er, woman."
    "But then again, the police hadn't really even done anything until I stepped in."
    "Maybe it's true what they say about Missing Persons cases."
    "Destined for the records room, with a great red \"UNSOLVED\" stamp on the folder."
    "An audible sigh escapes my lips as I kick back in the computer chair (that I totally didn't lift from a dumpster out back of the bank)."
    "I know the police are going to get in touch with me soon about the trial, but since I have no idea when that will happen, I'm stuck doing what I was doing before."
    "The police don't need me yet. Ruby is probably having the best work day of her life, with Albert gone for now."
    "Lilly can't talk to me until after the trial."
    "And even though I just got paid..."
    "I can't shake the feeling that I have yet to learn of the deepest, darkest side of this case."
    "Yet, all I can do is goof around."
    "...."
    "....I just made the dealer deal himself a 2 of clubs and a 3 of hearts."
    "And he's still winning a Blackjack."
    "Whoever wrote this game is an asshole."
    "I voice my dissatisfaction by altering the message on screen."
    pc "DEALER WINS (AGAIN!) - BLACKJACK!\nJUST LIKE HE ALWAYS DOES, THE BASTARD!"
    
    scene bg Black
    with dissolve
    "...."
    "And, for a while, that's the last I hear about the case."
    
    scene bg BedroomInteriorFull at right
    with dissolve
    "The next morning starts with another knock at the door. This time, it's Artie."
    a "Bastion, a little bird told me you came into some money yesterday."
    
    scene bg BastionsOffice
    with dissolve
    "I answer the door promptly. Artie is not usually insistent about my rent, except when I promise to pay it. I ought to make a mental note to stop promising him things."
    "I tell him to wait a second, while I get the cash. I don't own a safe, so I have to resort to security through obscurity."
    "I tried to stash the five hundred bucks in my pencil sharpener, but it wouldn't all fit in there, so I put as much as I could in there, and the other half inside my box of Monopoly."
    b "How much?"
    a "I heard you'd got five hundred."
    b "I can't give you all of it, you know. Guy's gotta live. How about two-fifty?"
    a "We'll settle it at four hundred for now and I'll stop bugging you for another month."
    b "You're too kind."
    "I probably owe at least a thousand in back rent, but I don't mention that out loud, or it'd remind him to be mad at me again."
    a "360...380...400. You'll still need to make up six hundred in back rent, but like I said, I'll stop bugging you until about this time next month."
    b "Yeah. Thanks for that."
    a "Go get yourself some groceries."
    "He walks off, but stops a bit down the hallway and turns back."
    a "Oh, and give Ruby a call. I took a call for you while you were gone the other day, Ruby sounded like she was happy about something. You might ask her about that."
    b "Noted, thanks."
    a "You take care now. See ya next month."
    "It's an innocent thing he says, but I can tell he intends to make good on that, and not to come hang out or anything like that."
    "Guess I'll call Ruby then."
    "I nearly forget the number to her desk at the office. I'm pretty sure she's working today, anyway...a quick look in my notes reminds me of the number in short order."
    # SFX: Phone dial tone.
    "...."
    r "Pacific Daily, Police desk."
    b "So, do I report crimes to you, or do you get press releases?"
    r "What? Why in the..."
    r "...Damn it, Bastion."
    "She stifles a chuckle over the phone."
    b "Artie said to call you. Said something about you getting a break on something?"
    r "Well, I can't be on the phone long, because I hear Albert's on his way back from his trip..."
    b "Couldn't stay, huh?"
    r "Unfortunately. But I got through talking to the Chief the other day."
    b "And?"
    r "Told him about Albert spilling his damn coffee on me and threatened to quit, and he gave me a raise."
    b "He didn't say anything about doing anything with Albert?"
    r "Said he'd look into it. He never does anything about the guy, I guess he's the only obituary writer in the whole town and he can't fire him."
    b "Well, the raise is a start at least..."
    r "I oughta complain more often. Seems to be working."
    b "I better let you get back to work."
    r "Yeah. Hey, wanna meet for lunch some time?"
    b "You buying?"
    r "Pffhh! Fat chance, buster, didn't you just finish a case? I'd think you'd be able to buck out for yourself once in a while."
    b "I'm only kidding. Yeah, I can pay for myself this time. Same place as usual?"
    r "...Which one's that, again?"
    b "Irma's."
    r "She's still in business? I thought she was under FBI surveillance."
    b "That's what they {i}want{/i} her to think."
    r "Heh. Right, anyway, I'll see you 'round."
    "She hangs up before I can issue a reply."
    
    scene bg Black
    with dissolve
    "...."
    "It's almost an entire week before I finally hear anything about the case again, in the form of a court summons via telephone."
    
    scene bg BastionsOffice
    with dissolve
    "Same clerk as last time. I guess that judge didn't make good on his threat to fire them."
    "Ah well. Looks like my day in court is here, friggin' finally."
    "I make sure I get everything - including the evidence that I somehow forgot to give to Detective Standish, before - and head on out."
    
    scene bg CourthouseExterior
    with dissolve
    "As I approach the court house, a familiar man in a suit stops me before I reach the door."
    st "Crowley. You made it."
    b "Well, of {i}course{/i} I made it, I wouldn't miss my first court case."
    st "Second."
    b "...Oh, of course you would have heard about that..."
    st "Yeah. You know, legal or not, your evidence helped us out a lot with that art museum thing. I thought that old hag at the college would never quit calling about it."
    b "Wait, you were involved with that one?"
    st "Not really. Heard it through the grapevine, and all that. Officer Lancaster talks really loud sometimes, if you know what I'm saying..."
    b "Hm. Glad I could help, I guess."
    st "And now that you're {i}licensed{/i}, you can tell it like it is, instead of the Captain needing to stage a bunch of impromptu 'investigations' as a cover story."
    b "I had no idea you guys were so dedicated."
    st "Stuff a sock in it."
    b "Yessir. So what's the plan?"
    st "Come over this way, Crowley."
    "He leads me off to the side of the building, next to a bush that looks large enough to conceal a litter of kittens and not much else."
    st "The stuff you gave us is great evidence. But what we need to make sure of is that everybody's stories are consistent. Now, I just want to make sure that the DA and I know full well where all this stuff came from."
    b "Okay. Ask away, Detective."
    st "First, the chloroform. How'd you know to look at the feather boa?"
    b "When I opened the door to the dressing room, there were a couple of loose feathers next to the door. I thought that seemed a little weird, considering the boa was about thirty feet away."
    st "Alright..."
    "He takes notes, like a good cop should."
    st "Next, that hole. We talked to the two kids that were on detail on the night of the performance, but they didn't tell us much. How'd you find the hole?"
    b "Tim Haacke told me after a little bit of convincing."
    st "See, this is why I love the private sector. You guys don't have to answer to your captain if you yell at people too much. ...Anyway..."
    "He jots down a few more things and seems to be furiously underlining someone's name in his memo pad."
    st "And that suspect. The video footage of him from the college security room wasn't really enough to get an ID. How did you come to identify him?"
    b "Security footage from the A&P Security camera."
    st "You didn't mention that before. What's A&P Security gotta do with this?"
    b "...Shit, I knew I forgot to tell you something. I found a trick lighter - actually a mini-safe - at the scene. Found out where it was purchased, this little security goods store at the mall."
    b "The guys there showed me footage from the day that thing was purchased, and I managed to get this picture of him from the tape."
    "I hand him the tracing paper bearing the world's worst mullet sketch."
    st "You didn't take the tape itself?"
    b "They wouldn't let me."
    st "You gotta be more assertive, Crowley. They say you can't take something, tell 'em it's evidence in a criminal investigation and take it anyway."
    b "Kinda hard when I don't have police authority, sir."
    st "Sigh...alright, alright, I get it. You know, this sketch is pretty bad, but you can pretty much tell it's the same guy from the college tape, and hell, our little lady managed to pick him out from it..."
    b "After a while."
    st "After a while, yes, but still."
    st "We've got our evidence - ALL of our evidence - and a handful of witness statements. Just stick to what you just told me when the DA asks, and you'll be just fine."
    st "Oh, and one more thing, Crowley. This Tanner guy...real creepy sumbitch. I don't know if you figured it out from all the weird crap you found, but he's kind of an obsessive."
    b "Really?"
    st "When I lead the team to serve his warrant, we found mountains of pictures of Myrna Maxwell all over his walls. Not all of them official, either."
    b "Wow. His lawyer's gonna have a field day keeping him out of jail."
    st "I hear ya. But still, stick to the story, try not to sensationalize it, and we'll get our conviction and get the hell outta here without having to ask for a continuation."
    "The corridor leading to the courtroom is just as lifeless as it was the first time, but thanks to that little pep talk, the atmosphere does seem quite a bit more cheerful."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # scene: Judge's office.
    "The both of us first step into the judge's office. There are a pair of familiar-looking police officers here, as well as the district attorney."
    "The only way I could describe the office is that it's really brown. Mahogany everywhere, brownish-red carpet, even most of the legal books and the set of World Book Encyclopedias are brown."
    "The windows, too, but probably for a different reason."
    st "Your Honor, this is Bastion Crowley."
    j "We've met before."
    "I swallow a rather large lump in my throat. I was really hoping it wouldn't be the same judge from before."
    j "You are licensed, this time, I hope?"
    b "Yes, Your Honor."
    "I once again pull my private detective's license."
    j "Good."
    "He focuses attention on the DA."
    j "Mr. Norton, you plan on pursuing Mr. Tanner as the prime suspect, correct? With Mr. Crowley as your professional witness?"
    da "Yes."
    j "You are aware that you're essentially putting all your eggs in one basket, and that this might affect the jury's opinion of your case?"
    da "As long as we can do this by the book, the jury will be just fine. Besides, I've heard things about Mr. Tanner's lawyer."
    st "Kinda makes you wonder why the state tends to appoint him when the perps don't have their own attorney, right?"
    da "He's the only one that's willing. Nobody else works pro bono around here any more."
    j "This is firmly out of my hands, you're aware of that, right? I'm just here to keep the court civil and fair, not to pick and choose lawyers."
    st "Yeah, Your Honor, but sometimes I wonder if the state picks this guy solely because he's so bad at his job."
    j "That'll be enough. My office is not the place to talk behind someone's back."
    "Standish almost looks disappointed to hear that."
    st "Alright, you heard the man. Let's get to court."
    
    scene bg Courthouse
    with dissolve
    "The DA leads us down the hall into a courtroom that I'm pretty sure is the same one I found myself in a while ago."
    "My previous visit hasn't exactly left my mind in a hurry. I'm nervous as hell, and I worry that it's going to show."
    "Standish, however, seems to sense what's on my mind and claps a hand on my shoulder."
    st "Just stick to what you told me. You'll do alright. You don't even need to remember the jury's here. Don't even worry about them."
    b "Aren't they the whole reason we're here, though?"
    st "It's not a performance art, kid. We just tell it like it is, and if that guy across the room starts digging too hard at you, the judge will keep him in line."
    b "You're saying that's what he'll do?"
    st "I've seen the guy in court a few times now. He's...well, he's a bit of a dumbass. Pretty sure he got his law degree from a fax machine, if you know what I mean."
    "People are slowly fanning into the courtroom. A small handful of college and high school students are here - Lilly among them - as are a courtroom artist, and a portly man that I almost don't notice is actually the court reporter."
    "I don't immediately notice that Lilly is here with her mother, Myrna. She's actually dressed quite conservatively, given her background."
    "Her outfit today is a smart-looking ladies' business suit, with the skirt stretching down past her knees, and the blouse buttoned almost as high as it will go."
    "Had I not seen Marty Pulaski's wallet photo, I almost wouldn't believe this is the same woman that I'd been looking for."
    "I'm not entirely sure that she notices who I am, either - Lilly points me out from the gallery, and she gives me a playful wink, as if she really can't help herself."
    "This sparks some thinking, regarding why Myrna got out of the adult entertainment business to start with. Did she do it for Lilly's sake, or did Lilly demand it herself?"
    "...It does nothing to comfort these thoughts that...well, Myrna isn't exactly the most attractive thing anymore."
    "How old was Pulaski's photo, anyway? 1970's?"
    "A shudder runs down my spine."
    "It doesn't exactly have anything to do with the case, anyway. I need to concentrate for now."
    "The start of the trial is really kind of boring - the DA and Detective Standish are here, as is the state-appointed attorney on the other side of the room. Tanner, however, hasn't shown up yet."
    "Both the attorneys issue their opening statements, with the DA staying behind his desk, and the defense pacing up and down in front of the jury for cheap drama."
    "It's hideously dull. I almost feel myself drifting off, before the sound of the main door squealing open breaks the relative quiet of the courtroom."
    "It's Mr. Tanner, the man who is supposed to be on trial. He's a bit late...later than can be called fashionable, I suppose. And that mullet. There's no mistaking it."
    "Why is that hairdo so popular? I never understood it."
    "One thing that doesn't quite come through from the security tapes - or, indeed, my traced sketch of him - is that he's managed quite a beard. The kind of beard you'd grow if your wife just died."
    "Everyone is seated now, except for Mr. Tanner, who has been asked to approach the bench."
    j "Mr. Tanner, before I read your charges before this court, I would like to make it known that I am not a man to be kept waiting. You are very late, and I don't like that."
    tan "Am I in trouble, Your Honor?"
    "What the hell is with this guy's voice? He's bulky like an athletics teacher ought to be, but his voice reminds me of that kid from WarGames."
    j "Not yet, Mr. Tanner, but when the court issues you a summons, you had better answer it promptly."
    j "Now then. This court accuses you of one count of unwillful abduction, one count of unlawful use of controlled anesthetic, and one count of tampering with emergency equipment."
    j "For one count of unwillful abduction, how do you plead?"
    tanl "My client pleads--"
    tan "Dammit, I'M answering the questions! We talked about this!"
    "The sound of the judge rapping his gavel drowns out Tanner's frustrated growling at his attorney."
    j "You will not use such foul language in my courtroom!"
    j "Now, for one count of unwillful abduction, how do you plead?"
    tan "Not guilty."
    j "For one count of unlawful use of controlled anesthetic, how do you plead?"
    tan "Since when is that stuff controlled, and isn't it my own business what the hell I do with--"
    j "How do you plead? Guilty or not guilty!"
    tan "Not guilty! God..."
    j "Don't be taking the Lord's name in vain in my courtroom. Now, for one count of tampering with emergency equipment, how do you plead?"
    tan "Not guilty."
    j "Take your seat."
    "He does so, but not before casting (what I can only assume he intends to be) a death glare at the judge."
    j "The prosecution may call their first witness."
    da "For our first witness, Your Honor, I would like to call Mr. Bastion Crowley to the stand."
    j "Would the prosecution please explain Mr. Crowley's bearing on the case?"
    da "Mr. Crowley is a licensed private investigator, and he is the man responsible for finding most of the evidence that will be presented before the court today, Your Honor."
    j "Mr. Crowley, approach the bench, please."
    "I sit at the stand, being careful not to touch the microphone."
    "A court bailiff approaches me with one of those little hotel bibles."
    "Bailiff" "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
    b "I do."
    da "Mr. Crowley, I'll start with a little background. When was this case brought to your attention, and through what medium?"
    b "It was a couple of weeks ago, if I remember right. I was contacted by Ms. Lilly Maxwell via The Chatbox BBS."
    da "Would you please define BBS for the court?"
    b "BBS is short for Bulletin Board Service. It's a service that you can access using a computer and a telephone line, where you can send messages to other computers."
    da "And what is The Chatbox?"
    b "The Chatbox BBS is hosted at the Pacific Southeast Community College's computer lab. It's public access, so that anybody with the right kind of computer and the phone number to their computer lab can connect."
    da "How exactly did The Chatbox put you in contact with Lilly Maxwell?"
    b "Since I got my investigator's license, I posted a service ad on The Chatbox offering my investigative services. I attached my own phone number to the message, and Lilly called me the next day after I posted the ad."
    da "Alright, enough about the BBS. When you accepted the young miss Maxwell's case, you went straight to PSECC's auditorium, under her guidance, is that correct?"
    b "Yes, that is correct."
    tanl "Objection, Your Honor."
    j "On what grounds?"
    tanl "Your Honor, if I may...Mr. Crowley, did you have in your possession a warrant to search?"
    j "Mr. Crowley, you don't need to answer that."
    tanl "Your Honor, surely you haven't forgotten that investigations cannot intrude upon a residence or other private place without a search warrant?"
    j "I have not forgotten, counsel, but the law you're citing only refers to police investigations as opposed to private, a dressing room is not considered a residence or private place, and...Mr. Crowley, if you'd be so kind?"
    b "I'd like to point out, for the record, that my client, Miss Lilly Maxwell, granted me permission to enter her mother's dressing room."
    tanl "Wouldn't you need permission from her mother specifically, Mr. Crowley?"
    b "Her mother was {i}missing{/i} at that time."
    "God, sometimes it's like law school conditions you to forget everything you know about logic."
    da "What evidence did you find there that made you suspect that Myrna Maxwell was abducted, and not merely missing?"
    "Though I wasn't paying much attention during the opening statements, I did at least notice that Tanner's attorney was trying to play a defense that Myrna left of her own free will."
    "I figure this question is the DA's way of countering that, so it's important that I word this answer as carefully as I can."
    b "There is one key piece of evidence that I found in Mrs. Maxwell's dressing room that made me suspect an abduction. When I first entered the room, I found a feather from a feather boa."
    da "This was the key piece of evidence?"
    b "No, sir, but it did point me in that direction. The feather boa that this single feather came from was actually on the other side of the dressing room, about thirty feet away. As I approached it, I caught a small whiff of something sweet."
    da "This something sweet, you suspected that it was chloroform?"
    tanl "Objection, Your Honor, he's leading the witness."
    j "Sustained."
    da "I'll rephrase my question, then. Mr. Crowley, were you one hundred percent certain of the odor that you were smelling?"
    b "I couldn't be sure just from the smell alone, but I felt a bit light-headed when I wafted it from the boa. Between that and the sweet smell, I put two and two together and figured it might be chloroform."
    da "And what conclusion did you draw from that?"
    b "I deduced that Myrna Maxwell did not leave her dressing room of her own accord, that she had been drugged."
    da "There was one other item that you found at the scene. What was it?"
    b "The item appeared to be a refillable cigarette lighter."
    da "This was suspicious to you, why?"
    b "Lilly told me that Myrna Maxwell does not smoke, and would have no need for a cigarette lighter."
    da "What did you do with the lighter?"
    b "I found a serial number on its base. I got in touch with the company that produces the item, and they told me that it was actually not a lighter, but a small safe. They pointed me to the only store in town that sells these mini-safes."
    da "That would be Anderson & Pinkerton Security Store, correct?"
    b "Correct. When I brought the item to them, I cross-referenced the time and date on an archive receipt for the purchase of an item like it with their security footage. Since A&P does not have a way to print from their tapes, I traced a sketch of the suspect."
    da "This sketch, correct?"
    "He shows me the piece of paper I'd handed Standish."
    "I guess it really is kind of a shitty drawing, but it's the best I could do at the time. He's right, though, in that you can pretty clearly tell who it's supposed to be."
    b "That is correct."
    da "Your Honor, I would like to submit Mr. Crowley's sketch as evidence before the court."
    j "The court accepts this as evidence. Continue your questioning."
    da "Mr. Crowley, did you show this sketch to Lilly Maxwell?"
    b "I did."
    da "What reaction did you get?"
    b "Lilly obviously recognized the man in the sketch, but she could not say for sure who it was."
    da "How did you then confirm his identity?"
    b "I returned to the college and spoke with the Art Department director. He couldn't tell who the man was, but he did point me in the direction of the two students he selected for security detail on the night of Myrna Maxwell's performance."
    da "Were those students Martin Pulaski and Timothy Haacke?"
    b "Yes, those were the two students."
    tanl "Leading the witness."
    j "Sit down and quit nitpicking, counsel."
    da "What did Martin Pulaski tell you?"
    b "Pulaski initially told me that he and Tim were posted at the dressing room door. He said that one man entered the room, then left several minutes later."
    da "Was this true?"
    b "Well, he was telling the truth about himself."
    da "Explain further if you would, please."
    b "While Mr. Haacke's initial testimony claimed that he, too, was standing at the door, I asked the two to stand at their posts and opened the door. If Tim were standing where he said he was, the door would have hit him in the face."
    "There's a bit of a laugh from the gallery, but it is quickly silenced."
    da "Did Timothy revise his testimony afterwards?"
    b "He wasn't too keen on it, but I did eventually get the truth out of him."
    da "Which was?"
    b "That he had been sitting in a hidden nook on the other side of Mrs. Maxwell's dressing mirror in the hopes of peeping."
    da "Mr. Crowley, what did Timothy Haacke claim to see through his peep hole?"
    b "Timothy claims to have witnessed the defendant drugging Mrs. Maxwell and dragging her out the emergency door."
    j "Mr. Haacke, is this true?"
    "Tim, obviously nervous as hell, stands up and nods weakly."
    j "Well, speak up, boy!"
    th "Y-yes, Your Honor, it's true!"
    "He quickly sits back down."
    tanl "Your Honor, I motion that Haacke's testimony be stricken."
    j "On what grounds?"
    tanl "There is no way Mr. Haacke can be considered a credible witness if he saw what he did under this sort of circumstance. There are laws against peeping in this city, correct?"
    j "I assume you're referring to the Thomas Gentry Right-to-Privacy Act?"
    tanl "Yes, Your Honor."
    j "For the benefit of the jury, I'll quote the relevant section that I assume the defense is attempting to invoke."
    "The judge pulls a book from beneath his desk. I assume he figured ahead of time that Tanner's defense would invoke that at some point, and came prepared."
    "He clears his throat a little too exhuberantly, and winds up coughing a bit before collecting himself."
    j "The Thomas Gentry Right-to-Privacy Act of 1966 states that Peeping Toms, defined as any individual who breaches personal privacy of another individual by means of an opened window, a hole in a wall, a secret camera, or otherwise..."
    j "...shall be issued a fine of not less than $50 and not more than $500, or a jail sentence of not less than three weeks and not more than 6 months, and 20 hours of community service."
    j "That is the letter of the law in its entirety. You will note, counsel, that it does not make any specific mentions of said voyeurism in relation to witness testimony."
    tanl "But Your Honor, what would you think if the only witness to your crime is, himself, a criminal?"
    "While those observing the trial begin muttering amongst themselves, Myrna Maxwell herself stands up and raises her hand, like a school girl waiting to be called on by the teacher."
    mm "Your Honor!"
    j "...Yes, Ms. Maxwell?"
    "I finally notice a slight mistake I've been making. {i}Ms.{/i} Maxwell? Maybe she isn't legally married after all..."
    mm "If I may, Your Honor, I'd like to personally thank Tim for deciding to peep on me. Why, if he hadn't, who knows where I'd be right now?"
    "I just manage to pick out Tim Haacke in the crowd, next to Marty and the Arts Director, just as he turns a brilliant shade of red and covers his face with his hands."
    j "Ms. Maxwell, as a justice of the court, I must ask, do you wish to press charges against Timothy Haacke for invasion of your privacy?"
    mm "Now why would I do a silly thing like that?"
    "Her words betray a bit of an accent from the South. She did a good job of hiding it before, but it's starting to slip."
    j "So be it, the court observes that no charges will be pressed against Mr. Haacke. The prosecution may resume questioning."
    da "Thank you, Your Honor."
    da "Mr. Crowley, if Mr. Haacke stated that Ms. Maxwell was dragged out the emergency exit door, would there not have been an alarm sounded?"
    b "According to both of the students on guard duty and the PSECC security office, there were no alarms sounded that night."
    b "When I examined the emergency door, I found that the alarm circuitry had been cut, which would explain why nobody realized what had happened at the time."
    da "Would the two door guards not have found it suspicious that Mr. Tanner never came back out the door?"
    b "I'm sure that would be the case, but Mr. Tanner was stated to have gone back through the main door to the dressing room when he was done out back."
    da "No further questions."
    j "Your turn, counsel."
    "As the DA sits down, Tanner's lawyer gets up. I guess I was busy enough with my testimony that I hadn't noticed just how damn sleazy this guy looks."
    "His suit jacket has got to be made out of one of my grandma's old quilts. It seems to change color depending on what angle I look at it."
    "The pants don't match the jacket at all. He probably got them at Goodwill, judging from a very tiny hole that's developing in one knee. His shoes are in a similar state, with one having a different colored shoelace than the other...but just barely."
    tanl "Let's start by winding back to the beginning of your investigation, Mr. Crowley. When you entered the premises of the PSECC civic center, did you or did you not first obtain permission from the college staff?"
    b "I did eventually."
    tanl "But not the first time you entered."
    b "That is correct."
    tanl "According to this record..."
    "He slaps a single sheet of paper, bearing a badly-photocopied table of dates and times. The heading on it reads, \"Civic Center Reservation Times.\""
    tanl "...at the time you claim to have been hired to investigate the civic center, the building had been out of use for somewhere in the neighborhood of a month."
    tanl "Describe the manner in which you gained entry to the auditorium building."
    b "I had a key."
    tanl "Where did you get said key?"
    b "It was given to me by Miss Lilly Maxwell."
    tanl "Where did she get the key?"
    b "From Myrna Maxwell, the day prior to her performance at the civic center."
    tanl "She was not missing at the time?"
    b "According to Lilly Maxwell, the key had been delivered to her via city courier, so she could have been."
    tanl "Did the key go to the dressing room?"
    b "No."
    tanl "So you gained entry to the dressing room without the key?"
    b "With Lilly Maxwell's permission, yes,"
    tanl "Are you in possession of an unregistered lock-picking tool?"
    b "I did not use a lockpick to enter the room."
    tanl "Are you in possession of an--"
    da "I object, Your Honor, the question is not relevant to the case."
    j "Sustained."
    tanl "How about this, then. Mr. Crowley, describe the manner which you gained entry to the dressing room."
    b "I entered with a common plastic card."
    tanl "In further detail, please."
    b "By turning the locked doorknob as far as it will go in one direction, then sliding a credit card or similar object into the door pin, I was able to open the door without needing the key. This technique only works on older doorknobs, and only if the door swings outward."
    tanl "And Lilly Maxwell did grant you permission to break and enter into her mother's private dressing room?"
    da "Objection."
    j "Sustained. Please stop badgering the witness."
    tanl "This isn't fair, Your Honor, you're giving preferential treatment to the prosecution here."
    j "I am doing no such thing, Counsel. Please phrase your questions in a less argumentative manner."
    tanl "Seriously? I don't think I was being argumentative at all!"
    j "That's up to me to decide, not you, and if you continue down this line, you may find yourself in comtempt. You don't want that, do you?"
    tanl "No, Your Honor. Jesus..."
    j "I'm sorry?"
    tanl "Er, I was going to say, uh...Jesus wouldn't want that, either."
    j "...No. He wouldn't. Now continue your line of questioning."
    "The judge acts as if that didn't offend him, but the twitch in his eyebrow is a dead giveaway."
    "Well, that, and he did bring up taking the Lord's name in vain earlier."
    "The sleazeball - I mean, Tanner's lawyer - clears his throat a bit."
    tanl "Let's go on to a different subject, then. We have it on record, Mr. Crowley, that you spent one night at your client's residence. Is that true?"
    "...Where the hell did they get that? I need to be careful with my response here..."
    b "That is true."
    tanl "Explain the purpose of your stay to the court, Mr. Crowley."
    b "Stakeout."
    tanl "Staking out for what, specifically?"
    b "Miss Maxwell called me earlier and said that she did not feel secure, that whoever took her mother could very well come back for her."
    tanl "And no such thing happened?"
    b "I fail to see where you're going with this."
    tanl "Does these photos seem familiar to you?"
    "He hands me a black and white Polaroid. Lighting conditions on it are pretty poor, but there's no doubt that it's of the Maxwell residence, from the front."
    "I barely finish studying it before another Polaroid is handed to me. The lighting is, if anything, even worse, but it's still possible to make out the basic shape of the subject."
    "I'm afraid to say anything, since it's become clear that Tanner's lawyer intends to discredit me, but I have no idea what he's pulling at."
    j "Counsel, may I see the photographs?"
    tanl "Of course, Your Honor."
    "He seems reluctant to tell the judge \"no.\" Really, I would be, too, if I were threatened with contempt charges."
    j "When and how did you get these photographs?"
    tanl "The night of Mr. Crowley's supposed \"stakeout\" - and with a camera, of course."
    j "Do you recall the law you had me cite earlier, Counsel?"
    tanl "The Thomas Gentry Right-to-Privacy Act, yes."
    j "Under the terms of this law, I hereby declare the photographs submitted to be illegally obtained, and thus unadmissible as evidence."
    "With this, he takes both photographs and tears them in half, with some effort."
    tanl "Now that ain't fair, dammit!"
    j "What, precisely?"
    tanl "How come you accept the testimony of a Peeping Tom as evidence, but not solid photographs?"
    "He's...actually got a bit of a point, there."
    "I notice the DA and Standish are thinking the same thing, as the DA has accidentally dunked his tie in his coffee, and Standish has a shaking fist raised above his head, as if he intends to strike the table."
    "The judge, however, has beaten Standish to it, calming the sudden uproar with his gavel."
    j "I shall explain my reasoning to the court, for the benefit of those less versed in the letter of the law."
    "Oooh, burn."
    j "An invasion of privacy towards the greater good may be exempt to prosecution under the 1966 Gentry act, excepting the case that the intent of the invasion is defamation."
    tanl "Meaning..."
    j "I rule that your photographs were taken to defame Mr. Crowley, and thus have ordered - and acted upon - the destruction of the photographs."
    "Standish is still holding his shuddering club of a fist above his head, bearing a rather painful looking grimace, but this time it is Tanner's lawyer who pounds a table...in this case, the witness stand."
    "I won't lie, it made me jump about an inch out of my seat."
    j "Now. Do you have further questions for the witness?"
    tanl "Not if you're going to poke holes in all of them."
    j "The court rules you in contempt."
    tanl "What? Dammit, why--"
    j "Do you want that to be two counts, or just the one?"
    tanl "Fine, I'm leaving! God..."
    j "Two, then. Expect the ticket in the mail."
    "He taps his gavel for effect, causing the already-leaving attorney to stop and tense up his shoulders. Manipulative bastard, that judge...but that's why we like him, I suppose."
    "With the state-appointed attorney out of the equation, all that remains at the defendant's stand is Mr. Tanner himself."
    j "Mr. Tanner, given the circumstances, I'd be entirely willing to let you revise your plea. You can continue to draw this out and maintain your Not Guilty plea, or you can get it over with."
    tan "I'm not guilty, Your Honor. Is it so wrong to be in love?"
    da "The prosecution would beg to differ in this case, Mr. Tanner."
    j "Very well then. I think it'd be best if we held off a bit, and took a break. This court shall recess for twenty minutes."
    "There goes the gavel again. Most of the audience to the trial get up and stretch, but I notice Myrna and Lilly are still sitting. Lilly waves me over."
    l "Mr. Crowley, have you met my mother?"
    mm "I don't believe we've formally met yet, Lilly. I'm sure I'd remember."
    b "Bastion Crowley, private investigation."
    "I stick a hand out to shake hers, but she grabs it and gives it a big ol' smooch. Her lipstick leaves a mark like a whiteboard pen, that it'll probably take all night to wash out."
    mm "They call me Myrna Maxwell. Like Myrna Loy, but Maxwell."
    "Come to think of it, I am starting to see a bit of the famed Nora Charles in her."
    "Then it hits me how many pounds of makeup are probably on her face right now, and that image is uncermoniously flushed."
    "She really looked better from a distance."
    b "Nice to finally meet you, ma'am."
    "I glance over at Mr. Tanner, who is still sitting quietly in his seat. I can't imagine he could do much, given that his hands are cuffed behind his back, and his legs are ironed together."
    "The mere sight of him in that uniform, combined with his horrible excuse for a haircut, are sure to put the jury off of letting him go peacefully."
    b "Looks like I'm done on the stand for now. I don't know who the DA plans on calling next, though."
    l "They haven't clued you in on what angle they're pressing?"
    b "All they told me was that Mr. Tanner's lawyer planned on trying to discredit me as a witness."
    l "Well, technically I'm not supposed to talk about this, but you're probably going to like what Detective Standish dug up."
    "She grins mischievously. I feel as if I should be worried."
    "Since she can't talk about it, I decide not to tempt her into it and keep silent, myself."
    "The important figures of the trial begin filing back into the room, along with about half of the spectators. Looks like recess is almost done."
    "Hang on...do you call them spectators, the audience, the gallery? I've never known. Not even from watching a couple episodes of Wapner."
    "I think the gallery is where the jury sits..."
    "Bah. I'll look it up later. Court's more important right now, and I'm not exactly studying to be a lawyer (yet)."
    "I suddenly realize that I'm still sitting next to the Maxwells. Standish gestures at me to get me to sit at the DA's desk. Guess I'm not done yet."
    b "Whoops. Uh, I gotta go."
    mm "Come talk to me after court; I'd like to take you to dinner some time."
    b "Duly noted, ma'am."
    "I hop back up and move over to the prosecutor's stand next to Standish."
    "Just like with all other matters court-related, our case resumes with the judge's gavel."
    j "Court is once again in session. Now, we've heard one side of the story so far, but in the interest of a fair trial, we'd best hear the other."
    j "Mr. Tanner, your state-appointed lawyer does not appear to have come back."
    tan "No, Your Honor. Not after you kicked him out."
    j "The court will ignore that. Strike that from the record."
    "The court reporter stops his tape recorder, rewinds it a bit, and hits Record again."
    j "Good. Now...Mr. Tanner, you confirmed before the recess that you will not change your plea, correct?"
    tan "That's right, Your Honor."
    j "Might the court ask you to give your testimony, to explain your side of the story?"
    tan "Of course, Your Honor."
    "Tanner tries to stand from his chair, but whoever put on the leg-irons wrapped the chains around his chair leg, so he awkwardly drags the chair with him to the witness stand."
    "A nearby bailiff removes the chair and helps Tanner sit on the stool."
    "Bailiff" "Malcolm Tanner, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help you God?"
    tan "I swear."
    j "Right then. Mr. Tanner, it's up to you. Plead your case."
    tan "Yessir."
    tan "It was about ten years ago when I first became acquainted with Myrna Maxwell. I'd seen her in a magazine, and wrote to them to ask who she was."
    tan "What I hadn't expected was that they also told me where to get in contact with her. We wrote back and forth for a while."
    tan "We were pen pals for a long time. Probably about five years. For me, it was the longest-running contact I'd had with a woman like her."
    tan "Then, she stopped writing. I'd sent her a few more letters, asking what had happened, but she never sent them back. The last one was returned to me by the Postal Service, saying that she'd moved away and not left a forwarding address."
    tan "After a while, I'd forgotten about Myrna altogether. But then, last year came around, and we got back in touch."
    "...He doesn't say how? How'd he get back in touch?"
    st "{i}Don't worry, Crowley - we figured out what he means by that.{/i}"
    "He's obviously perfected the art of whispering. Not even the Judge seems privy to the fact that he's talking at all, let alone to me."
    "I try to follow suit."
    b "{i}Do I want to know?{/i}"
    st "{i}You will soon enough.{/i}"
    tan "...and that's when I caught wind of Myrna Maxwell's return performance at the civic center. I thought I'd go visit her at the campus, maybe rekindle an old flame..."
    st "{i}That's bullcrap, too. We looked into it - not a single flyer was posted for a show at the civic center for a whole two months.{/i}"
    b "{i}So how'd he figure it out?{/i}"
    st "{i}It'd have to be someone on the inside, that's all I can figure.{/i}"
    tan "We ran away, together. She stayed at my place for a while to get away from the press."
    "The DA clearly can't take any more of this."
    da "Your Honor, I object to this entire testimony."
    j "On what grounds?"
    "Wow, he sounded really bored just then, like he's just going through the motions he's been doing for decades."
    da "The PSEPD has amassed evidence that can disprove every claim in Mr. Tanner's story."
    j "Go ahead, then."
    da "Firstly, and most importantly, while Tanner was indeed sending mail back and forth with Ms. Maxwell, which would date back to 1974..."
    da "...as of 1976, a mere two years later, there was a restraining order in place between the two, ordered by the court of Pacific Southeast County."
    j "I remember that case...but the terms of the restraining order were to last two years, correct?"
    da "Correct according to the paperwork, Your Honor. However, a search - with a warrant, might I add - of Mr. Tanner's apartment showed correspondence that dates firmly in the middle of the order."
    "He pulls a letter from the briefcase on the stand and hands it to the judge. His reaction is, dare I say, priceless."
    j "...Ordinarily I would ask you to read this before the court, but...I find it a little disturbing, in fact."
    da "Not to worry, I won't need to read it. The jury can do that themselves."
    "The letter is summarily handed over to the 12 jurors, who all huddle over it like schoolboys to a porn magazine."
    "...The content of the letter itself is not far off from that, actually..."
    "I won't bother quoting any specific passages here, but suffice it to say, Mr. Tanner seems to have thought of himself as the next Ron Jeremy."
    "Yeah, I know, I got shudders down my spine reading that, too."
    tan "If I might ask you, Mr. District Attorney, where did you get that letter from?"
    da "Our investigators found two copies of it. One was in your house, which I again repeat that we did have a search warrant for, and it is on record."
    tan "And the other?"
    da "Tucked away in court files from 1976, as evidence relating to the aforementioned restraining order."
    da "That's not all we found in your house, either. Mr. Standish?"
    st "Your Honor, before I present the police findings from Mr. Tanner's apartment, I would like to warn you, the jury, and those watching from the stands..."
    "...the \"stands\"? Great, another word for the same thing to add to my confusion."
    st "...that the pictures I'm about to show may be a little scary. Frightening. Young'uns might want to cover their eyes."
    "With all the buildup this is getting, this better be something really, seriously, whacked-out crazy."
    "Standish opens an oversized briefcase on the prosecution's desk, producing a 35mm slide projector, which he plugs in on the nearest floor outlet."
    "He exchanges a nod with the DA, then pulls a plastic box full of slides."
    "I'm on the edge of my seat as the judge orders the courtroom lights to be dimmed."
    "It doesn't seem like the lights are on a dimmer, though, as the bailiff simply turns them off."
    "The slide projector is switched on, revealing..."
    "Hooooly shit."
    "The first slide is apparently taken from the entrance of Mr. Tanner's apartment. Of the many walls, including the kitchen divider, not a single surface is left empty. Every possible inch of every wall is covered with Polaroids and magazine cutouts."
    "They're all of the same person - and I'll give you a hint, they're not of Mr. Tanner."
    st "If I may direct the court's attention to these slides in particular..."
    "He cycles the next few slides, pausing for only a few seconds on each one. I recognize one of the photos on the bedroom wall as the same one Marty Pulaski had showed me."
    "But only about a fourth of the photos we're seeing are \"official\" shots. The rest have a disturbing voyeuristic quality to them."
    "One seems to be taken from directly above the subject; another, from directly below, from a {i}very{/i} obvious angle, as far as summer dresses are concerned."
    "A few of the wall photos seem to be enlarged from magazine spreads, and are...shall we say, \"adorned\" with Mr. Tanner's personal touch. {w}Jesus Christ, I'm going to need a shower after this."
    st "Out of respect for the court and yourself, Mr. Tanner, you may ask me to stop at any time."
    "He doesn't. At least, not for a few more slides, the last of which seems to be a shot of him sleeping on his couch, decidedly unclad. Thankfully, the more delicate bits are framed out of shot."
    tan "What the hell's the meaning of this?"
    st "Whoops. Forgot that one was in there."
    "He hurriedly skips to the next slide, but Tanner shakes his head vigorously."
    tan "You can switch that thing off, now. I think you've seen enough."
    da "Care to come clean with us, then?"
    tan "About what, exactly?"
    da "How you came to be in contact with Myrna Maxwell after 1976."
    tan "Alright...this time I'll tell you the whole story."
    j "Before you begin, Mr. Tanner, you are aware that you are still under oath?"
    tan "Well aware, Your Honor."
    tan "Well, after I was given the restraining order, I decided I'd better move somewhere quiet and get a job doing something healthy. As it happened, the high school was looking for a gym teacher, so I applied and got the job almost right away."
    tan "Things were quiet for the next few years, until about...two years ago, I think?"
    tan "A freshman class I was coaching had a familiar-looking name on roll call. Lilly Maxwell was in that class."
    tan "Now, I wasn't the least bit interested in her, but I had to know if she was related to the Maxwell I'd been writing to years ago."
    tan "When I asked Lilly about her mother, she clammed up. Didn't want to talk about her mom. No problem, I figured. I could go look up her student file."
    da "The court may see fit to record that this action constitutes a violation of privacy, by School Code regulations."
    tan "Had a feeling you'd peg me on that. I won't contest it."
    tan "But anyway, I found Myrna's name and a new address that I'd never seen. Myrna apparently moved to that gated community on the outskirts of town. Really, I don't blame her at this point."
    tan "But all I wanted was someone to talk to, to love, to pour my thoughts into."
    st "And pour a little something else, am I right?"
    j "Be quiet, Detective."
    st "(Sorry. *cough*)"
    tan "Is it so wrong to want to love someone?"
    da "In a case like this one, I'm sorry to say the answer is yes, Mr. Tanner."
    j "I think we've heard enough, then..."
    "The judge gives what I imagine is a speech he's rehearsed a number of times by now. He tells the jury that Mr. Tanner's life lay in their hands, but that they must all come to a unanimous agreement towards whether he's guilty or not."
    "Afterwards, a second recess is called, while the jury retreat to a separate conference room to deliberate."
    "Mr. Tanner remains at the stand, bowing his head and muttering something. It sounds like a prayer at first, but he doesn't seem like the religious type, so I imagine he's probably quietly cussing to himself."
    "I feel a sudden slap on the back, causing me to jump about two inches out of my seat. I wheel around to do a little cussing of my own, to find that someone's here that I didn't expect to see."
    r "So, how's the Pacific Southeast's newest private dick?"
    b "Dammit, Ruby, quit sneaking up on me like that!"
    "...Actually, that's the first time she's done that in a while. Generally, you can hear her coming a mile away, but maybe she's learned to control that."
    r "I've been kind of hiding in the back of the courtroom for the last 15 minutes."
    b "So you missed my testimony?"
    r "Bah, you already gave me the short version, so I didn't need much recapping."
    b "Did you see those slides?"
    r "Yeah, hot stuff, dead sexy."
    b "Bwh{i}huh{/i}?!"
    r "Nah, I'm joking with you. How the hell does Tanner think that's normal, what he's doing?"
    b "There are just some people in this world who are out of touch with social standards."
    r "What's next, we find out he's been peeping in the girls' locker room?"
    b "Not likely. Sounds like he only had eyes for Myrna."
    r "But what happened in that six-year gap?"
    b "Given how many damn photos he had of her, I'd wager he was building his collection."
    r "Fuckin' screwball..."
    "She shoots a glare in Tanner's direction. I'm pretty sure that his glorious mullet deflects it, since he doesn't seem to pay any notice to her."
    r "Listen, hey, I know you're kinda busy with this trial and all that, but I'm thinking about that lunch date."
    b "Oh yeah, we still haven't made good on that, have we?"
    r "How about after the trial, we meet at Irma's place for some fajitas?"
    b "Is that what she calls those?"
    "What Ruby's referring to is, in fact, a single rolled bit of dough with cheese, tomato, and green peppers. No meat, no sauce. Not even on a tortilla. More like a pizza...but still no sauce."
    r "Look, smartass, you can order whatever the hell {i}you{/i} want, but I'm getting me a fajita, Irma style, and I don't care if it's not the real thing."
    b "Suit yourself, but if I want a fajita, I'm getting mine at Lupe's."
    "The jury starts filing back into the courtroom, signaling a premature end to our argument. Ruby gives me that villainous \"This isn't over!\" glare, as she takes her seat in the very back of the gallery.{w}..stands.{w}..audience.{w}..thing."
    "The judge's gavel again snaps everybody to attention."
    j "Has the jury reached a verdict?"
    "Juror" "Yes, Your Honor. We, the jury, have found the defendant, Mr. Malcolm Tanner, to be guilty of all charges."
    j "Violation of court-issued restraining order?"
    "Juror" "Guilty."
    j "And for contempt of court?"
    "Juror" "Guilty."
    j "And for perjury?"
    "Juror" "Guilty."
    j "This court finds Mr. Malcolm Tanner guilty of contempt, perjury, violation of court-issued restraining order, unauthorized use of controlled anesthetic, tampering with emergency equipment, and unwillful abduction."
    j "As a justice of the court, I do hereby sentence you to a prison sentence not to exceed 50 years."
    "Game, set, and match. The People: 1, Tanner: 0."
    "I've got a lunch date to get to, so after consulting with Standish and the DA about whether I'm allowed to leave, I make for the door."
    "I don't quite get there without getting stopped by Myrna Maxwell."
    mm "Bastion, did you think you could get away that easy?"
    b "Er, sorry, I've got a lunch date to get to, I've just remembered."
    mm "You never told me about any lunch date..."
    b "Yeah, uh, sorry, I've been preempted here..."
    mm "But I asked you out first, why should she take priority over me?"
    l "Mom, cut out the jealous girl act, you're not fooling anybody."
    mm "Lilly, dear, you'll understand when you're older."
    l "...."
    b "Well, see, my friend Ruby wanted to take me to Irma's diner after court..."
    mm "Ruby? Is that her name? Well, I can do you one better. How about lunch at L'Inspecteur instead? My treat, and we need to discuss the matter of your payment, too."
    "...I really don't want to forsake Ruby to a fate of eating alone at Irma's, and it looks like she's already left."
    "But even though Lilly already handed me a payment (of sorts), Myrna doesn't seem privy to that yet."
    "Bah. I'm sure Ruby will understand."
    b "Alright, let's go then."
    
    scene bg CourthouseExterior
    with dissolve
    "On the way out, Lilly sets off running ahead of us towards a car parked on the side of the street."
    "While it doesn't appear it's been washed in a while, it does at least look like it's well cared for."
    "It's a Chevy Nova, looks like it's from the early 70's, but it's the four-door version."
    "I knew someone in high school who was in to cars. He had a Nova, too, and he always bragged about it."
    "His was the four-door version, too. He got egg on his face when someone (in a Corvette Stingray) pointed out that four-doors weren't cool."
    "I almost wonder if this is the same car."
    "Lilly is standing at the front passenger door, but Myrna is quick to admonish her."
    mm "Where are your manners, Lilly dear? Let our cute guest sit in the front."
    "All the words I could use to describe myself, and \"cute\" is the one I'd never use."
    "Lilly begrudgingly lets the front seat go to me."
    "...Wow, this is surprisingly roomy. Seats are soft but firm, plenty of leg room, and I don't have to share the seat with a bunch of empty beverage containers."
    "Something to be said for taking care of your car once in a while."
    "Yes, Ruby, I'm looking squarely at you."
    "Even though I don't own a car myself."  
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Interior of Myrna's Chevy Nova.
    "Myrna turns the car left, into the five-lane Mishkin Highway."
    "The highway was built in the 1940's and was named for a Russian immigrant who wound up writing our county's driving test."
    "It clearly separates the east from the west, in what has basically become the greatest joke to have come from this silly rivalry we've had with the Soviet Union."
    "Mr. Mishkin is still on the traffic authority. Even he laughs at the jokes about east-west relations."
    "There's a kind of bittersweet truth to it all. A nation can't really get over its problems unless it can laugh at them, but all the same, nobody really has any idea how long this will last, or how it'll end."
    "...Politics? In {i}my{/i} internal monologue? Pfff. I'll be putting an end to that."
    "I'm brought to my senses by Myrna touching my left arm."
    mm "I'd like to thank you for sticking your neck out for me back there."
    b "Oh, I'm not sure I needed to do that much. Standish and that DA handled most of it. Can't help but feel a bit sorry for Mr. Tanner, though...his own lawyer got hit with a contempt charge."
    mm "Malcolm's really not so bad. I'm sure you wouldn't mind him if you got know him."
    "That's precisely the problem, though...I know the way he ticks, thanks to Standish and his photos. I couldn't respect a guy with walls like that."
    "The fact that he is - or rather, was - a gym teacher is a double strike in my book."
    b "Are you sure we're talking about the same person?"
    mm "He did act like a real sweetie sometimes. He went a little far, a couple of times, but all I had to do was tell him to stop."
    b "With all due respect, I'm not sure you saw the whole story."
    mm "Maybe I like men who spy on me."
    "I almost wonder if her past career warped her mind in some way."
    "Time to shift the subject a bit."
    b "If you don't mind, ma'am, there were a few things I needed to ask. Some things about the case are still a bit unclear."
    mm "Oh, go right ahead, sweetie!"
    l "Mom!"
    "Lilly almost seems more embarrassed of her mother now, than when she saw Marty's wallet photo from her heyday."
    "That thing had to be, what, 20 years old? I shudder to think. The magazine it came from probably has a specific term for women like Myrna...and I dare not repeat it in polite company."
    b "First question then...what exactly were you doing at the Civic Center that night?"
    mm "Funny story, that one...the performance I was there to give was a stage play about the life and execution of Mata Hari."
    "Mata Hari? The spy who moonlighted as a dancer? ...I could have seen her doing that, ten years ago. I shudder to think of what Mata Hari's outfit would look like on her today."
    b "What ended up happening? Were you supposed to be on stage that night?"
    mm "No, it was a rehearsal I was there for; I had been told my actual performance wouldn't be for a month."
    b "Hmm..."
    mm "The director eventually told me that the class responsible hadn't come up with a script yet, and didn't even technically have a play."
    "It hits me about then why the theater was so dusty. This wasn't two weeks' worth of dust; it could have been who knows how long since that theater was ever used."
    b "Do you have any idea why Mr. Tanner showed up, how he knew you would be there?"
    mm "It's difficult to say. My best guess is that he knew someone in the drama class that cooked up this crazy scheme."
    "Hmm. And since neither Pulaski or Haacke told me they were in drama class...I guess that rules out anybody I'd have met."
    "That, and Haacke was a pretty awful actor..."
    
    scene bg NullScene
    with dissolve
    # Scene: Fancy-ish restaurant, dining area.
    "We find ourselves walking into a restaurant called L'Inspecteur. The waiters all have those distinctly-French curled moustaches, and the sign out front has a little cartoon of Clouseau from The Pink Panther."
    "The panther itself is nowhere to be seen, but it does manage to get that theme song stuck in my head."
    "A man in a nice tuxedo leads us to an empty table, dead center in the middle of the main dining room."
    "Waiter" "May I take your drink orders?"
    mm "What's your cheapest champagne?"
    "Waiter" "We only 'ave the one kind, madame."
    mm "I'll take it."
    "Waiter" "And for you, m'sieur?"
    b "Uh...a dry martini."
    "Waiter" "Let me guess, shaken, not stirred?"
    b "I'll leave that up to you, I'm not sure I care that much."
    "Waiter" "And for the young madame?"
    l "...Can I just have a Coke?"
    "Waiter" "Of course, madame."
    "He disappears before anybody can say anything else."
    b "So, uh...you were saying something about a play about Mata Hari?"
    mm "It turned out to be a farce, I believe I mentioned. But do you know the best part about it?"
    "There's a \"best\" in this thing?"
    mm "Eventually someone did own up to it. The Arts Director made him apologize personally to me."
    b "Apologize for what? Calling you down without a script?"
    mm "Oh, no, I didn't mind that, I've worked without scripts before..."
    l "{i}(cough){/i}"
    mm "But I'll go into that later."
    mm "No, what really happened, was that this student cooked up a phony play just to have an excuse to see me wearing that silly Mata Hari costume!"
    b "So...the same motivation as Marty and Tim?"
    mm "Really, I'd have been all too happy to do it, if they'd just tell me honestly what they really want, up front, instead of dancing around it like they're embarrassed of it."
    l "{i}(cough)(cough){/i}"
    mm "Lilly, dear, do you need a lozenge?"
    l "Uh, no, I...I think I'll just be...going now..."
    mm "Oh, no, but dinner hasn't come yet! Stay here a while with the nice man, will you?"
    "Poor Lilly looks like she's probably going to be sick. Myrna eventually agrees to let her dash off to the ladies' room."
    b "Seems almost like she's ashamed of your previous line of work."
    mm "I wouldn't doubt that for a second."
    "She seemed slightly more forthcoming with that reply than I'd have thought."
    b "Do you mind at all if I start asking you some more personal questions, Mrs. Maxwell?"
    mm "Oh, enough with the \"Mrs.\" I'm not married and never have been."
    b "You aren't?"
    mm "Who would marry a former porn actress, in a town like this? Down south, maybe, but up here?"
    b "I've heard of trophy wives up here before, Ms. Maxwell."
    mm "But look at me, I'm not exactly what I used to be..."
    "Myrna almost looks like she's going to cry."
    b "I'm sorry, I didn't mean..."
    mm "I'm not offended, Mr. Crowley. You might find that, when you've spent five years of your life pretending to have sex on camera, not much offends you any more."
    b "I didn't mean to open that can of worms tonight."
    "Someone at another table is staring at Myrna. I see them flagging down a waiter and asking for...either a check, or a change of table."
    mm "Really, don't worry about it."
    b "If you say so, ma'am."
    "A waiter shows up at our table, and rather than complaining about how much we've disturbed the nearby table, he pours Myrna a glass of the house champagne, and after checking that I'm of the legal age, hands me a martini with an olive."
    "He then places a small glass of cola and whips out a notepad."
    "Waiter" "What would you like to eat today, madame?"
    mm "The shrimp cocktail sounds good today."
    "Waiter" "For you, sir?"
    b "I just want a sandwich."
    mm "Oh come on, live a little!"
    b "Fine...what's good today?"
    "Waiter" "The appetizer today is a potato and leek vicchysoise, accompanied by a sandwich with au jus, and I recommend the filet mignon and baked potato."
    b "How expensive is that?"
    "Waiter" "If you have to ask, m'sieur, then you cannot afford it."
    mm "I will be covering his check this evening."
    mm "Don't worry about the price, Bastion. I'll take care of it. I'll be paying you tonight anyway, remember?"
    b "Alright. Yeah, I'll take today's appetizer and the filet mignon."
    "Waiter" "Very good, m'sieur."
    "Waiter" "Where did the young madame go?"
    mm "She had to run to the powder room. Could you come back in a few minutes?"
    "Waiter" "Oui, madame, it will be no problem."
    "He disappears into the kitchen."
    b "If you don't mind me asking, then...do you have any idea who Lilly's father is?"
    mm "Any number of men could be the father, enough that it would be impossible to figure out."
    "Oh Lord, did she really actually sleep around?"
    mm "Oh, don't look at me like that. Thing is, back when I was still doing my films, there really wasn't a lot of precaution taken. Nothing simulated, I suppose you could say."
    b "So you...uh..."
    mm "...May have been impregnated by one of my co-stars, is what I imagine you're thinking."
    b "Is that true?"
    mm "It could be, but I have no way to tell which one. Contrary to what a lot of folks think about my last line of work, many \"starlets\" don't sleep around outside of work."
    b "Really..."
    mm "I got enough of that sort of lifestyle just from how many stars the company put me in bed with. I didn't need to go looking for that in my off-screen life, too, and I imagine neither did a lot of my colleagues."
    mm "Then I had Lilly, and decided it was time to stop."
    "Although she almost looks like she could cry (again), she's actually smiling wistfully, which tells me that Lilly may have changed her life in more ways than I thought."
    "Maybe that'd also explain why she doesn't seem as old as I first suspected."
    b "I wonder if you might be able to answer some questions about Mr. Tanner."
    mm "Go right on ahead."
    b "Does he smoke cigarettes?"
    mm "Oh, yes, but he'd been trying to quit."
    b "So what the hell gives with the cigarette lighter..."
    mm "He seemed the type to always need something to do with his hands, whatever he was doing. Maybe he liked playing with fire."
    b "Hah! That's kinda funny, considering...uh..."
    mm "Hmm?"
    b "...You know the cigarette lighter is a fake, right?"
    mm "Isn't it expensive to get a genuine one?"
    b "No, I mean it's not actually a cigarette lighter, it's a mini-safe. You pull the lighter assembly out and there's a little space you can stick money or messages in."
    mm "Well, Mr. Tanner {i}was{/i} trying to quit smoking."
    b "He'd have had to go pretty far out of his way to buy this, since I can't imagine he'd need much else from the..."
    "...Wait a god damn minute..."
    mm "From the what?"
    b "The security store. I think I just figured out why he would have gone there."
    mm "Oh, do tell, I love it when mysteries get solved! It's just like that old TV show I watched with Lilly when she was young!"
    b "Which one would that be?"
    mm "Scooby-Doo, of course!"
    "...Ah-ha. I couldn't imagine Lilly would have watched much Rockford when she was that young. I used to watch it, myself, but I only understood about half of it at the time."
    b "But yeah, about the security store. I know why Mr. Tanner would have been there. Remember how the emergency exit door didn't set off an alarm?"
    mm "Yes, I remember when you mentioned that at court."
    b "Mr. Tanner would probably have gone to the security store to get an instruction manual on how to wire door alarms."
    b "In the process, I bet he probably noticed what he probably believed were cigarette lighters, and bought one without realizing that he was wrong."
    "Myrna seems legitimately impressed with my logic, enough so that she starts clapping, inadvertently drawing the attention of a nearby waiter."
    "Waiter" "Was there something you needed, madame?"
    mm "Oh! Um...when are our orders coming?"
    "Waiter" "In but a moment, madame. We 'ave been quite busy with your shrimp cocktail and hope that it is to your satisfaction."
    mm "Thank you!"
    "She says it with quite some enthusiasm and a bit of sing-song tone for good measure. She might be in her forties...I think...but she still gives off the air of a cheerleader, or a Vegas showgirl."
    "Or maybe a Vegas showgirl dressed as a cheerleader."
    "The point is that she acts younger than she looks."
    b "What are you doing for employment nowadays?"
    mm "Well, since I stopped doing {i}those{/i} films, I've been trying to legitimize myself. You'd be surprised how much acting skill you pick up from that line of work."
    b "Made any films since?"
    mm "I've mainly pursued stage acting, actually. Mostly background stuff. You wanna know a secret?"
    b "Uh...sure."
    mm "That Mata Hari gig? That was going to be my first starring role on stage."
    b "Shame it never got off the ground, then."
    "Myrna recoils in fake offense."
    mm "Oh, who says it didn't get off the ground? Just because the rehearsal turned out to be bunk doesn't mean someone isn't actually working on it!"
    b "That someone being...?"
    mm "Well, since that kid didn't have a script, I started writing one myself. I want this to be the best damn play I've ever been in!"
    b "Wow, really? How's that coming along?"
    "Her head sinks a bit."
    mm "...Not well, I'll admit. I tried to get that student to help out, but he can't seem to concentrate when I'm in the room with him, and the Arts Department head doesn't like me being in his classrooms."
    b "Did you need a co-writer, by chance?"
    mm "My, are you offering your help?"
    b "Uh, not exactly...but I do know someone who has quite a lot of experience with writing and editing. Not sure she's worked on a play script before, but..."
    "...well, even if she hasn't, I'm sure it'd get her mind off Albert for once."
    mm "You must introduce me to her, some time."
    b "I'll see about setting up a meeting, then. Uh, I warn you though, she can be a bit...brash."
    mm "I like 'em brash!"
    "Aaaaand...spit-take."
    "I really wonder if she meant that in quite the way I think she might have."
    "A light punch in my shoulder indicates that she's joking."
    b "You've really made a sport out of making people feel uncomfortable, haven't you?"
    mm "The look on your face was worth it, believe me."
    "The detective-wannabe is not amused."
    "It's time to fire back with a little discomfort-bomb I've had stewing for the last few minutes."
    b "So answer me this, Ms. Maxwell...how old are you, exactly?"
    mm "That's classified."
    b "Early forties?"
    "She can't help but let out a girly giggle, and she socks me in the arm again. Hey, I need that thing!"
    mm "Not even close!"
    "Lilly, mercifully, decides to come back from the little girls' room before I suffer any more arm-punches."
    l "What'd I miss?"
    mm "Oh, all sorts of stuff! Bastion proposed to me."
    l "{i}What?!{/i}"
    "Lilly doesn't realize for a whole five seconds of exasperated muttering that she's being had. This time, it's Myrna that earns a fist to the forearm."
    b "Detective work ain't a love story, miss. Probably makes you more enemies than friends, let alone romantic ones."
    b "Speaking of detective work, though, I should probably bring up the matter of my payment."
    mm "We're paying you in food."
    b "Fancy steak and potatoes sounds delicious on paper, it doesn't pay the bills."
    "I sip the complimentary(?) martini, for emphasis."
    "Hoowoah. That's strong stuff! I nearly cough it back up, ruining the hard-boiled effect I was going for."
    mm "Alright, fair enough, Mr. Crowley. Let's see then..."
    "She starts digging through her purse, which I notice is a different one from the one Lilly had been carrying before, and certainly isn't the one Myrna had left in the dressing room."
    "She must be a two-purse woman. Maybe more."
    "I notice Lilly is oddly quiet..."
    "Acting on reflex, I pull the notebook out of my jacket pocket and headline a blank page with the word \"RECEIPT.\""
    "Myrna hands me a wad of bills, at least the same size as the one Lilly gave me. I want to tell her that I already got paid, but I really don't want to cheat myself out of being able to pay the rent for once."
    "I run the risk of looking rude and/or greedy, and count the wad right there."
    "The total comes out as $754.44."
    "A little mental math and number-fudgery, Myrna gets a copy of the receipt, and I tuck the cash safely away in the breast pocket of the jacket."
    "It's about then that the orders show up, the waiter brings another martini, and Lilly has to stall for time as she struggles to read the menu, which is partially in French."
    "There's not much else worth noting from the dinner. I didn't like most of my dinner that much. The steak was fine, but the soup was cold, and the sandwich had this sauce stuff that made it all soggy when I poured it on."
    
    scene bg ApartmentExterior
    with dissolve
    "Despite it only being somewhere around half past noon when we left the courthouse, it's nearly 6 PM when we're finally leaving L'Inspecteur."
    "Myrna has the good grace to drive me back to the office...I mean, the apartment."
    "There I go again with the detective stuff."
    
    scene bg BastionsOffice
    with dissolve
    "When I get in, I find my answering machine is blinking at me, so I hit the playback button as I empty my pockets into my secret stashes."
    "*beep*"
    "Answering Machine" "{i}This is Jim Rockford. At the tone, leave your name and number, I'll get back to ya.{/i}"
    "...Man, don't I wish."
    "No, it was really more like..."
    "Answering Machine" "{i}You've reached the office of Bastion Crowley. I'm not around at the moment, but leave me a message with your name and number, and I'll call you ba--{/i}"
    "*beep*"
    r "{i}Bastion, you son of a bitch, you stood me up again! I thought we had a deal for lunch, but instead you left with that porn star and her little kid, and I had to sit through an entire rant about the Knights Templar before Irma would let me pay!{/i}"
    r "{i}You really fuckin' owe me! ...Oh, it's Ruby, by the way.{/i}"
    "*beep*"
    "...Sigh."
    "She'll be here tomorrow morning to yell at me some more, I'm sure."
    "But on the up side, I did get paid (again)..."
    "And if it works anything like last time, I'll get a Good Citizenship award again. And this time, it won't get eaten by tickets and fines."
    "I gotta say, things are lookin' up."
    "...Might want to wear a helmet tomorrow, though."
return